I know you know him better.
I know you love him more.
By
Updated 8 years ago,October 11, 2017
I did not want to do this.
Itay Kabalo
I didnt want to hurt you.
I know, you do not believe that.
The truth screams more than we want to hear.
The more we numb it, the more delusional we become.
The truth is I have been this girl one too many times, maybe about 6.
Its not you, its me.
Itay Kabalo
I am fun, I am his escape, but I am not his home.
I didnt know about you and when I did…
I pretended it didnt matter, because I was too far deep.
Or sometimes I did know and I still acted like it didnt matter.
I would use the excuse, I am not the one in the relationship.
I am not the one hurting anyone- but that was not true.
I was hurting you and I didnt care.
It does take two to tango, so I am still at fault.
What I want you to know is, this was never my intention.
I never went out of my way to do this.
I never pursued this.
I may have asked for this subconsciously, but I never straight up tried to take anything from you.
I cant begin to explain all theexcusesI made up to redeem myself from this.
I never messaged him first.
I am guilty, because I responded.
I let him kiss me.
Not the first time though.
The first time, I turned him down.
I told him This was a mistake and I was not worth it.
The first time, I was on your side.
But this kept happening….
It was not just a mistake.
It was not just because he was drunk.
We had a pull.
We had a connection.
Although we both tried to deny it, it was always there.
Even when I turned him down, it did not matter.
We were already having an emotional affair.
I know this is hard to hear.
Its hard to say it, because nobody wins in this scenario.
There is no happily ever after for any of us.
I know you have been with him since forever and you do not deserve this.
I know you know him better.
I know youlovehim more.
Thats why no matter what, I could never be with him.
Its not because, I am scared he will do what he did to you to me.
Its not because Once a cheater always a cheater or If he cheatswithyou, he will cheatonyou.
I do not believe in that.
People are not defined by their mistakes.
Its because…
I will never compare to you.
You know how he likes his coffee.
You know his family, you are his family.
I will always be the girl that ruined his relationship.
I do not want to constantly feel like I am a replacement for you.
I want to be my own person.
kindly do not be jealous of me, there is nothing to be jealous of.
I am always this girl for a reason.
I am fun, I am his escape.
I am the drug he becomes addicted to you.
But you are the one he goes to, when he wants to get clean.
He never gets serious with a girl like me.
I am the midnight shot of whiskey, not the 6 am morning coffee.
You always knew.
He is safe with you.
This isnt easy for me.
I do not want to feel like a vice.
As passionate as this may be, it isnt real its just a fantasy..
Even though it feels so right, it is still wrong.
I constantly just feel like I am a plot twist in your relationship.
I am just a storyline, but I am not his story.
I do not feel like he is mine.
I would not be writing this letter.
Your story is over.
