Sometimes I think adulthood is forgetting everything that made me whole.
Im clinging to this idea that your 20sshouldbe bad.
Actually, 30 isnt something I fear.
30 is a beacon of light Im hoping doesnt disappoint.
30 is a billboard I made it out alive, scars and all.
No vision boards or active plans that take you from A to Z. Im begging the teacher to call on me as if that willPOOFmake everything else click into place.
Im mourning the precocious elementary school kid with a firm hand in the air thinking shes the shit.
Whoknewshe was the shit.
Who already had answers to whatever you threw at her.
Dont call it a quarter-life crisis.
Call it a broken heart.
Not from all the failed romance.
Not from men who could have been something and never texted back.
Call it a broken heart because the heart gets tired when theres no direction for it to beat.
I told my mom I dont want to write depressing shit anymore.
So I stopped writing.
Im closer to 30 than I am 20 and have never been more lost.
I cried to my boyfriend on the phone for almost an hour because I missed my home.
Sometimes I dont know what home is anymore.
Sometimes I think adulthood is forgetting everything that made me whole.
Tell me, is that part of the plan?
Tell me, is this growing up?
