Its magical the way the heart yearns for what it doesnt know.
The remaining walls near what resembles a stage in this hole-in-the-wall joint are smeared with black painting.
I ask myself, why havent I seen you before?
Jakub Dziubak
There are approximately fifteen people attending this standup, and ten of those are the comedians.
I give a shot to keep myself from staring back at you.
For an entire hour, I ask myself one thousand questions that I know I wont ask you.
Are you dating someone?
What do you do here?
Are these your friends?
Will you marry me because you are so damn beautiful?
She doesnt, but I do.
I havent been this speechless in months, so I dont reply.
Im too afraid of staying back to ask you more.
I hold no expectations.
We enter the bar, and there arent many people the farther down the stairs we step.
We immediately saunter towards the bar and shoot back two tequila shots.
He dances off with at least three girls before you ask me, Do you dance?
My eyes follow the direction where the voice came from and see you.
Where on earth are you from?
Because youre certainly too tropical to be from around here.
I tell you that I am, too.
Both of our friends are sliding across the dancefloor as we stare and laugh.
My friend dances his way back to me, asking if Im ready to take another shot.
This isnt what it looks like.
Just as were about to do another shot, I turn to you, but youve already left.
I kick myself for not asking for your information sooner.
I take the same route on the train every single day, at the same time.
Im used to seeing the same people.
Usually, everyone is on their phones, refusing to engage with the world around them.
I read a book every morning on my phone.
Today, I see you who are you?
You dont usually ride this route at this time.
You dont look lost, either.
You wear a business suit and carry a small, light green professional backpack on your side.
The train becomes more and more crammed with people the closer to downtown we get.
You apologize for your bag continually attacking my side.
I reply that the train is always this close and personal.
I want to continue the conversation, but its my stop.
Since my last relationship, Ive become more comfortable with being alone.
Small conversations, missed connections, moving on with life.
My friends gossip about the people in our circle who are dating or sleeping around.
I dont want to talk about my dating life.
Also because its nonexistent and full of numbers I never collected.
You bring your friend to one of our parties, but Ive never seen him before.
Why does everyone I fall for have to leave as quickly as I do?
I call you to tell you my failed dating stories.
We talk every few weeks about our lives.
To be perfectly honest, its not what I thought it would be.
Why couldnt it be like the movies, where Id run into them again somewhere?
I only stumble into the people I wished to never see again.
This time, you tell me you broke up with your girlfriend.Finally,I tell myself.
I would never admit that to you.
We are silent for a few moments on the phone.
I scrunch my eyebrows together, wondering where this silence came from.
I break the silence and ask you why.
You say there was someone else on your mind.
You dont tell me who.
The pit of my stomach turns into knots.
Is this who I think it is?
I dont have enough fingers to keep track.
Do I love you?
I realize I dont know.
Its magical the way the heart yearns for what it doesnt know.
You hang up the phone, and Im at home, alone again.
Maybe that was the healing I needed.
