Maybe it will be too much to be friends ever again.
You openly sob at pizza parties and feel a constant desire to vomit on the entire universe.
You find an escape route through a one-way ticket to Europe.
Beatrice Ong
Heres how youll do it:
First, you will ball out and then freak out.
(On repeat.)
The good part is that it will be fun.
Unfortunately, this is the only way forward.
Sometimes youll see the humor even as youre dry heaving in time toDancing Queen.
You will still loveMama Mia,but it will always make you a little nauseous.
Then you will become a destructive demon.
(And it will be kind of fun.)
But the next moment youll realize what youve done and flee.
You will flee again to nowhere in particular, and Sven willhave to chase you down the street.
Once he has caught you, he will pet your head like youre a feral cat.
You will be too embarrassed to face the host, and Sven will have to deliver your apology euros.
Instead, you will feel the fires of Mordor rise inside you.
You will look him dead in the eye and tell him to go fuck himself.
You will mean it more than youve ever meant anything and he will feel it.
Let yourself make that seething off-color declaration about the queen.
Eventually, you will be forced to confront how sad you are.
(And it will suck.)
If you do not look it in the eye when this happens, it will not let go.
Next, youll become very, very annoying company.
(Even to yourself.)
Your brain will be a broken record, and so will your mouth.
Your friends will be patient with you.
But you will hear yourself repeating things.
You will hear how pitiful you sound, and you will hear yourself becoming an obnoxious burden.
This will make you feel even more alone than you already do.
You will be shocked when Derek shouts at you to GET A FUCKING GRIP!!!!!
He will be right.
Derek is always right.
It will be exactly what you better hear to start getting a fucking grip.
In due time you will start building something new.
(And it will not be sexy.)
Just to tell him you lost those cargo pants that he thinks make you look like Aaron Carter!
Just to ask him how the fuck to effectively explain the Floridian retirement trend in Spanish!
You will start to feel like a different kind of baller.
You will then discover that youll need to give it a lot more time than you thought.
(And you will be impatient, often unkind to yourself about it.)
Little by little you will start a collection of growth trophies.
(And it will be essential to write them down.)
It didnt even occur to you.
Not even out of curiosity.
He will be happy for you.
Derek is always happy for you.
(So you may as well not make a run at figure it out.)
Youll just be happy to see each other.
