I never would have left.
By
Updated 7 years ago,August 3, 2018
i.I never would have left.
I probably wouldve ended up doing more than making out with him inAnna and Alis apartment.
Kinga Cichewicz
I would have gone to a safe school and been a big fish in thesamesmall pond.
I would have had some stellarroles.
I wouldve bought the rights toSpring Awakening.
I never would have made anyone feel compromised.
I probably would be pregnant and wouldnt have an iPhone.
Maybe Id have a black lab too.
ii.I never would have left.
And I would have resented him for it.
I remember laying in that barely twin sized bed and wishing he hadnt rushed to me from Chicago.
But that life would have had people andconnection.
And maybe connection isnt so bad.
Maybe it isnt something to think youre above.
iii.I never would haveleft.
I would have gone with him whenever.
Every so often, I genuinely thought about bringing up Peru.
Saying, Lets go there.
Lets just commit there.
iv.I would have followed him anywhere.
I was willing to shrug my own shoulders, influenced or otherwise, a lot for him.
But more than that?
I wouldve been with him.
And how weird would have that been?
v.I wouldnt have AC.
I wouldsweat through the night and constantly complain.
I would walk through the streets of Brooklyn, I would be a regular at Cafe Colette.
Everything would feel effortless but intense at the same time.
Everything, including me, would feel necessary.
vi.I wouldnt have his shirt in my closet.
I wouldnt avoid wearing it.
I wouldnt call him the one that sniffed and shuffled away.
More than that, I wouldnt joke about him.
I would just be there.
Maybe you should just be there.
vii.I never would have left.
But, this is anokay life.
And its one that feels like…well…awin.
And its a win that Im going to take.
A win Im going to have.
