I would have asked you to hold me just for a little while.
By
Updated 4 years ago,August 7, 2021
1.My last name.
I only learned yours because I saw your work I.D.
Drew Wilson
and key card inside your truck when you were dropping me off home one morning.
If you had asked if I wanted to stay, I would have told you no.
I would have told you Id like to get home.
I would have told you that I wrote instead of leaving behind a suicide note.
I would have told you writing is the only way I cope.
That Im better at it than I am at speaking.
I would have told you I wrote things you couldnt understand.
You may have never heard me, anyway.
Typically and boringly predictable, you said you knew what would make me feel better.
In typical fashion, I came over, anyway.
I was feeling empty, might as well let something crawl inside my body.
Might as well take you out for a ride, see if it awakened any kind of feeling.
I was always dirtiest and most fun when I was feeling numb.
I would have been honest.
I would have told you I wasnt fine, that I wouldnt mind just a little company.
And just like that, moments later, splayed out on your table.
I lied when it was over and you asked me if I felt better.
6.After all those months, if you would have asked me to dinner, I would have said yes.
7.Some Spanish slipped out once when I meant to tell you to go harder in English.
You didnt know where that came from.
You have no idea I was a fluent speaker.
If you had asked me, I would have told you all about how it was my first language.
I would have told you how I grew up being sent to Mexico every summer.
How it was important to my parents that I never lose my heritage.
Even after that slip, you never asked.
All you told me was you wanted to hear more Spanish when you were fucking me.
I know what you actually wanted.
You didnt ask if I was okay, if there had been any water in our apartment.
You also knew I was born and raised in Houston, didnt bother asking about my familys home.
I told you I was happy things were going well for you.
I told you to take care.
I left it at that.
You didnt ask what I have been up to, what I was doing.
When you texted again, I didnt reply.
The truth is, when it comes to us, theres never really been anything to say.
