I dated him during my Junior year of college and this one hit me like a freight train.
After about seven months, he broke up with me.
It was a very sad, but sweet, sort of breakup.
Jonathan Borba
And he told me he loved me for the first time while we were breaking up!
The words I had been desperately longing to hear … delivered at the worst possible time.
He said it would be best if we went a month without speaking.
At the time It sounded impossible.
It felt like he was asking me to live without a vital organ.
I had no idea how I would survive this.
At first, it was very difficult.
The days felt agonizingly long.
I would stare at the calendar, begging for time to move along just a bit faster.
When that didnt work, I started to just get my act together.
May as well make the best of things…
Then a funny thing happened…
I started to feel like myself again.
I started to feel a little lighter now that I was no longer weighed down by his darkness.
I felt at ease, not perpetually stressed and on edge over the state of my fragile relationship.
I had friends again!
When I was with him, I wasonlywith him and had no life outside of that relationship.
And then I started dating a new guy.
The no contact period wasnt over yet, but he called me desperate to see me.
I didnt soften to him as I had always done in the past.
Why are you contacting me?
Were not supposed to be talking right now, I cant help you.
I spitefully told him I was moving on and had found someone new.
How can you be dating something else?
It just happened, I dont know what to tell you.
And it was the worst mistake of my life.
Now that I was strong, he wanted me desperately.
The fact that I didnt immediately take him back made that desire even stronger.
And the relationship was even worse the second time around.
Just as toxic, unhealthy, and codependent.
But now it had a layer of resentment over it as well.
The codependence was suffocating, he needed to be in contact with me constantly by text or phone.
There was no room for me in this relationship.
But then one night I didnt hear from him.
Hmm, thats odd.
Im sure hell call me later, he always does.
And I knew it in my gut…
I knew he was with another girl.
The next day my suspicions were confirmed on MySpace of all places.
Like I said, I was in it for the long haul!
This relationship shattered me.
I was a shell of a person.
I was shocked, traumatized, aghast, confused, dazed, and literally rocked to my very core.
I wont wax poetic about that, anyone who has experienced heartbreak is familiar with that wrenching pain.
More than being mad at him, I was mad at myself.
I shouldnt have answered his call that day.
I should have blocked him.
I was getting so strong, so happy, I was moving on and catching my stride.
A breakup can send your emotions into overdrive.
you better let him simmer.
And this process will be interrupted if your ex keeps coming in and out of your life.
Dont delude yourself: thiswillmess with your head.
Every time he comes back youre going to have to start all over again.
2.It will give you perspective.
Its only when you step outside of something that you could see it for what it is.
Once youre out of it, youll be able to see it all more clearly.
Breakups usually have a surface reason and arealreason.
And a lot of the time, things cant be repaired and need to stay broken.
Having space gives you the room to see things more clearly and thats always a good thing.
It will help you get over him.
Now maybe youre thinking, But I dont want to get over him!
I want to get him back.
Right now youre not back together, you are single.
So you’re gonna wanna operate from that frequency.
If hes the right man for you, trust that hell be back.
As they say… time heals.
But as I say, it isnt a passive process, its active.
it’s crucial that you do the work and then let time make the memories more cloudy.
You cant get over him if hes right there in front of you.
4. you gotta remember it’s possible for you to live without him.
Sometimes it genuinely feels like we will not be able to exist outside of this relationship.
But that is patently untrue.
Its only when youre away from him, fully away, that youll be able to realize this.
Youll have that space to get back in touch with yourself and your intrinsic value.
You avoid the endless on-again off-again cycle.
You talk sometimes, and hang out sometimes, but youre in a relationship no-mans-land.
None of the issues ever get solved.
This has toxic written all over it.
Or you risk him meeting someone else and dropping you like a hot potato like what happened to me.
So follow the no-contact rule until you feel strong enough to be in touch with him again.
This means you would feel totally OK if he doesnt want to try the relationship again.
If the thought of this sends you to the pit of despair, youre not ready yet.
Be kind to yourself.
But you will get through it and will be better for it in the end.
