I needed something more than social media validating how you might have felt.
I used to get excited seeing you like a picture on my Instagram.
But then I realized thats all it was.
God & Man
You liking a picture but not liking me.
After a while, I stopped snapping things hoping youd care enough to look at my story.
Because I realized if you cared you would be with me.
God & Man
After a while, my heart stopped racing when youd snap me or text me.
It was either you canceling and rescheduling and I couldnt keephoping maybe Id matter one day.
After a while, I stopped texting you first.
Because I realized thats all it was, was texting.
I learned to stop making you apart of my routineeven though you were always my favorite part.
My loudest laugh staring at a screen.
You were almost everything I wanted but couldnt be.
But that wasnt enough.
I needed someone to be there.
I needed someone to show up.
I neededsomeones words to match their actions.
And I couldnt find that with you.
As much as one person could give a shot to convince another to care I did that.
I cared more about you than I did anyone in my life for a very long time.
I think Ill always care.
I told you things I didnt tell anyone.
I trusted you both with my secrets and my heart and I wouldnt take any of it back.
My friends say I wasted time reading signals.
But I felt it.
Even if nothing came of that it.
Even if nothing was ever declared.
There was something undefined between us.
I think when youre lucky you find that with connection with very few people.
I can be bitter about time wasted and uncertainty and potential mixed signals.
Maybe you liked the attention.
Maybe you liked knowing someone cared even when you didnt.
Maybe I played the role you needed at the time and thats okay.
I gave you my best and when you do that, you cant ever regret it.
My face still lights up sometimes when your name appears on my phone.
But its never going to mean what I want it to.
But I learned thats its okay.
