It would be easier to block your calls than to muster up the courage to talk to you.
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Updated 6 years ago,April 4, 2019
Ive come to a crossroads.
I want nothing to do with you.
Vince Perraud
I never want to hear your voice again, even if you are going to give an apology.
I never want to see your face again, even if it is lined with regret.
The thought of you makes me sick.
It triggers tears and a stomachache.
It would be easier to live without you than to confront the baggage you brought me.
It would be easier to block your calls than to muster up the courage to talk to you.
And that is exactly what I have done.
I told myself ignoring you was for the best.
I told myself I was doing the right thing.
Most of the time, I still feel that way.
Without you around, there is a weight lifted from my chest.
I feel more comfortable than I have in a long time.
Besides,youwere the one who screwed up.Youwere the one who hurtme.
You cannot blame me for leaving when you pushed and pushed until I could not take it anymore.
You could have set things right a long time ago, but you never did.
You continued down a destructive path.
That had nothing to do with me.
There is no reason for me to feel guilty for walking away from such a toxic situation.
There is no good, sensible reason for me to talk to you again.
Of course, my heart does not listen to reason.
On those days, I wonder whether it is unhealthy to pretend you never mattered to me.
I could never trust you again, but could I talk to you again?
Could I find peace with what happened between us?
I wish I could take my heart out of the equation.
I wish I could erase the good times we shared.
I wish I could force myself to stop caring about you for real instead ofpretendingnot to care.
Will I regret letting you back into my world?
Will I regret it even more if you die without making up with me?
Or am I screwed either way?
