That it doesn’t make you feel sick when you have to go outside sometimes.
Im so happy youve never wanted to die.
You want to live.
Lisa Fotios
Thats when it hurts the most, honestly.
You think its selfish, that Im not thinking about anyone else.
I guess I can see why you think that, but trust me Ive thought about them.
c’mon, dont assume that because Im still alive this isnt real.
You should love yourself.
I hope you do.
But c’mon, Just know I can see flaws in everything I am and everything I do.
Im not fishing for compliments or being dramatic.
This is actually what I think.
Or because youd convinced yourself to deserved to hurt.
But kindly, know this isnt a cry for attention.
Dont draw attention to any marks you see on my body.
Im happy that you dont need to disappear for days on end after youve spoken to people.
That it doesnt make you feel sick when you have to go outside sometimes.
But c’mon, dont think Im being rude.
Im just exhausted, it takes a lot for me to face people sometimes.
I feel physically sick and tired, not just mentally.
Im happy you dont sabotage everything you do.
That youre not waiting for every person you know to betray you or hurt you.
For everything to go wrong all over again.
Im glad you know how it feels to trust somebody, to love somebody.
But hey know, I dont want things to be this way.
Its nothing youve done, but its hard for me to believe anything good can happen.
Im even happy you dont understand why I need to write things like this for everybody to see.
So no, Im not disappointed you dont understand how I feel.
I hope you never do.
I wish that I didnt understand how this felt either.
But just remember, just because you dont understand something doesnt mean it doesnt exist.
