I know I am also capable of so much light and positivity.
I know I am capable of adapting and being a source of inspiration.
I know it is a choice.
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Dear Fitspo Community and Fitness Professionals,
Im so impressed with your adaptability and positivity.
Your relentless light, joy, and commitment to your best-self are inspiring.
And Im just not there with you.
Its never been easier to get access to free workouts.
Im essentially unemployed with no ability to file for unemployment, so I have unlimited time.
The ratio on my newsfeed of Fitspo posts to cynical memes has doubled.
#noexcuses #amiright #quarantoned
And yet, Im just not there.
My heart is so heavy that I dont need any strength training.
Ive been carrying heavy things daily.
My anxiety is causing me consistent night sweats, which Im certain has some cardiovascular effects.
Positive or negative remains in question.
So no need to worry about burning calories.
I know I have a responsibility to be a leader right now in this time of solitude and pain.
I know I am also capable of so much light and positivity.
I know I am capable of adapting and being a source of inspiration.
I know it is a choice.
And I am just not there.
Even as someone in the fitness industry I dont know how to practice what Ive been preaching.
So I prefer to not preach at all.
Theres plenty of that happening on yours and my social media.
I am just not there.
My movement is not causing me joy right now.
Today I went for a walk.
It was the first time Ive been outside in two days.
I motivated myself with the promise of a THC Gummy and an Old Fashioned when I got home.
And its more than I did yesterday.
So I think that says a lot about me.
I am doing my best with the circumstances.I am deeply hurting.
Ive never dealt with anything like this.
And neither have you.
But I am looking at myself honestly.
I am allowing myself some time to grieve.
I am letting my heart do the bulk of the movement these days.
There will be a day when I crawl out of this canyon.
I have been deep in despair before.
I have climbed out of this hole before.
We will all emerge a new kind of butterfly when all of this is done.
My cocoon just might be darker than yours.
I care very little for the sight of my body.
For the look of its shape.
All I care about is making it to the day when my body can embrace another.
