When you left, I took a deep breath.
And then I finally found rest.
Days in a row of waking up between 2 and 3AM.
Brandon Stanciell
My mouth dry and my fingers heavy.
This very physical tightness from emotions Ive suppressed below my collarbones.
If only you could spend a moment outside of your coma.
I dont think youd change your mind about me, but at least youd be unable to claim ignorance.
Your actions had an affect on me.
You continue to live in the delusion that you did not have a choice.
I do not get to live in that delusion anymore.
I wake up to it every day.
The cold, metallic reality that you did not choose me.
Ive been told its foolish to live with regrets.
But I regret every sleeping moment with you.
Thats what I was.
Blindly following, comfortably tucked in bed by a wool blanket sewn with manipulation.
You continue to sleep soundly in filth.
A rotten foundation that you will soon realize is uninhabitable.
There is no room for you, for the cracks are filled with mold and decay.
You will not win the love you so desire.
I can promise you that.
Thats all you did.
Take the easy way out.
But it was an easy way in.
You walked right into the beasts belly.
And there you stay, trapped.
With no sense of the prison youve chosen.
Some schools call this Stockholm Syndrome, others call it Gas Lighting.
That is all they are.
Youll be familiar with this soon enough.
I will not be around to say I told you so.
I will not think of you.
Your happiness or your sadness.
I will not think of you, the same way you did not think of me.
No care or consideration for my hurt, my anguish, or the desert I was left in.
But the air here is pure.
I dont need their oxygen tank, I can breathe freely.
What do you know of freedom?
A question the lamb does not ask as its led to the slaughter.
I want to wish you peace on your journey.
I know the stale stillness you sit with is anything but peaceful.
I remember it well.
The way my neck became brittle, and my spine rounded forward.
The way my chest would concave, and my eyes would dry and swell.
Emotionless as I sat in a painfully exhaustive slumber.
What do you know of freedom?
