Why am I single?
I refuse to settle.
Somewhere between 22 and 27, things get tricky.
Photo byHannah BusingonUnsplash
At least, that is what it felt like to me.
Being single is weird.
I am almost 30.
The existential dread is real.
I also dont want to shock anyone, but my current concern is that I do notfeel30.
Perhaps fate would have stepped in and coerced me to marry.
Instead, I collect passport stamps, books, and cats.
I have become the dreaded stereotype with one exception: I love my life.
It is only when I begin to explain my choices to others that things go a little haywire.
Well- intentioned people will ask some really stupid questions.
However, nothing sends me into a tailspin quite like everyones favorite question.
At this point, I can sense the question on the tips of their tongues.
It rolls out right after several compliments and a long pause.
It sounds something like this: You are so great!
Ive never really met anyone like you.
Youre smart, funny, intelligent and (obviously) beautiful.
Wait for it… Why are you single?
I deflect the question.
I dont know, I mumble.
It turns out I just really needed a break from men after experiencing some personal trauma.
Can you imagine?!
I dont mean to be offensive to anyone who identifies as a lesbian.
Personally, I identify as queer.
The truth is, I dont want to be single.
I dont want to be single when people convince me I would be happier in a committed relationship.
I used to have a deep fear that I was meant to end up alone.
I am uncertain whether this idea comes from a place of inner knowing or fear.
However, I think its a fear common for many.
Its funny how when I am actually alone, it feels like peace.
Maybe I hang out with too many extroverts.
I am certainly not alone.
My life is filled with family and friends.
Too many people, in fact, for my introverted tendencies.
I enjoy being alone.
I love waking up in the morning to silence.
Nothing soothes my soul more than a contemplative morning with a cup of coffee and a journal.
I enjoy the feeling of coming home after a long day at work to the quiet of my home.
As a deeply autonomous person, nothing feels as restorative as solitude.
People like to say that the right person will come along.
That scares me too.
What if I dont want them to?
The truth is, I choose to be single.
Of course, there were times it did not feel like much of a choice.
I left partners who cheated on me.
Others I left because the connection simply faded.
Some people turned out to be completely different than they originally appeared.
Most of the people eventually intruded on my need to be alone.
I simply could not reconcile giving up my peace and solitude for a relationship.
What I mean to say is, I am not single for lack of experience.
Perhaps I collect romance like I collect passport stamps.
Maybe some relationships are not meant to last.
Does that make them any less meaningful?
I dont think so.
Why am I single?
I refuse to settle.
I see no point in clinging to a relationship that reaches its expiration date.
I am not afraid to start over.
I am waiting for the second wave of singles to hit in a couple years.
I wish I had the perfect answer.
Isnt that how it works in the movies?
The narrative is growing old.
The reason I hate the question is because it implies something is inherently wrong with being single.
As if there must be something wrong with me that they missed.
Clearly, you cannot be intelligent, funny, beautiful, and single.
Should I add humble?
There is nothing wrong with me.
I dont want to offer my solitude as an apology anymore.
There is nothing wrong with choosing to be alone.
I will end with this: If you want to be in a relationship, you might be.
But dont stay in one because youre afraid to be alone.
Dont settle for a connection that does not feel fulfilling or purposeful because it feels more secure than singularity.
The next time you meet someone who seems wonderful, tell them!
