Maybe I should apologize now for how difficult I will be.
I hope you realize it is not because I want to.
Im sorry that I will be so hesitant to trust you.
Yoann Boyer
I have to keep my wall up until it cannot stand any longer.
Its the only way I can protect myself.
I cant risk letting myself be vulnerable to the wrong person.
Yoann Boyer
If not more terrifying.
You see, I fell in love once.
Head over heels in love.
I saw a future that I had never seen before.
I was 26 and had never been in love.
When I met him, it was like a whole new world opened up.
We spent every moment we could together.
I showed him my insecurities and he stayed in spite of what I felt made me unlovable.
He looked at me as if I was his world and he knew how to make me feel special.
With everything aside, we really were good for each other.
We taught each other some hard but necessary lessons.
Then I wanted more.
I wanted things to be official.
I wanted him to admit his feelings out loud.
I wanted him to let himself fall.
I had such a hard time understanding his fears because I had never had my heart broken.
Until him, I didnt know that a broken heart could cause you to lose so much sleep.
Until him, I didnt know that a broken heart could make you feel as worthless as it does.
So what does this all mean for you?Unfortunately it means you have the aftermath to work though.
You will have to fight twice as hard if I am what you want.
You will experience my crazy emotions even when you dont deserve it.
You will have to remind me that you choose me.
The thought allowing myself to be vulnerable with another person, literally makes me shake in fear.
The only love Ive known wasnt really love.
However its what I expect Ill have to go through.
Its going to take someone patient and willing to fight to show me I can love again.
I know I will be exhausting.
Ill be your biggest fan and push you to better yourself in every way I know possible.
Ill insist on you doing the things that make you happy, with and without me.
If you’ve got the option to make me trust you, Ill change your life forever.
But until then, just understand where my fear comes from.
Know that Ill eventually give it my everything and know that itll be worth it.
