I still remember the day when we said goodbye.
Your mother had the family stone.
I looked at you and I was so happy.
Chungkuk Bae
We were the best of friends, we loved going on adventures.
We never needed space from each other- it was just so easy to be with you.
Someone else violated my trust and it completely affected my belief system.
It just made me always push people away every time I got close.
I knew you would never break my heart but anxiety and stress had become my everyday companions.
The possibility of a permanent future with you did not gel well with my fear of intimacy and commitment.
Growing up, I had seen similar incidents in life.
I had witnessed lies, betrayal, and cheating- as a form of everyday relationship.
I was afraid I would get stuck in that web.
For me, I was just protecting myself because the scars of my past life had marked my heart.
You were everything I ever wanted.
I know I loved you, probably you were the first person I truly loved.
But, I was confused, and I did not have a proper sense of who I was.
I felt it was only a matter of time, till you would hurt me.
I prayed to God so I could fully love.
She was taught that it was her enemy, that it would hurt her.
And then one sunny day, you ask her to go outside and play and she wont.
You cant be angry at her can you?
You said it was just an excuse and that it was my choice.
I started to make impulsive decisions to push you away.
I became emotionally numb.
Being with me was a crazy rollercoaster ride, not sure how you lasted so long.
The chaos in my life was too grand to have space for someone as real and true as you.
I was not ready.
You promised me a forever (again).
I still remember the day when we said goodbye.
It was the saddest Tuesday of my life.
I wanted someone like me with someone like you.
It was unlikely for it to be true.
(I wish I had stayed.)
