When youre at home: do whatever you want in your bathroom!
I dont really give a stinky shit!
But listen, when it comes to the workplace bathroom there are rules.
Juan Marin
THE HANDICAPPED STALL IS A COVETED SPOT SO BE A TEAM PLAYER hey!
Obviously, I love the big stall.
I spend a lot of time in there.
Ive laughed, Ive cried, Ive even watched a YouTube video with the sound on really low.
We all want to be in the big stall.
But we are not animals!
We must balance this primal want!
Sometimes I also cry in the big stall!
So ensure you rotate vacancy with this in mind!
DONT TUG ON THAT BIG STALL DOOR ARE YOU TRYING TO KILL ME?
We are vulnerable when on the toilet!
We are fragile beings on a porcelain throne.
Just lightly give one push!
Dont yank back and forth jesus youre playing with peoples lives here!
THIS IS A PLACE OF SILENCE
Imagine this: Youre on the toilet.
We can not stand (or squat) for this.
The bathroom is a place of silence!
Grunting and splashing and paper rolling aside words must not be spoken!
I dont even like to greet people in the bathroom with any more than a hey.
To utter a how are you?
is simply out of the question.
Save it for the water cooler!
Im on the toilet and yes, despite my social media bathroom boldness, Ive got a shy bladder!
And thats what causes high blood pressure, and also C-sections.
Otherwise you literally owe that bathroom occupant a hand-written apology note and a gift certificate to Panera.
I dont make the rules.
Well, I have to say, that was pretty cathartic.
From the bottom of my heart and the top of my colon thank you for reading this.
