By
Updated 5 months ago,November 19, 2024
Nobody will protect you from your suffering.
You have to endure it.
Cheryl Strayed
How do you heal?
Daria Shevtsova
You let the pain pass through you.
You feel your feelings.
You let them envelop you.
You feel the loneliness.
You feel the bruises from falling down.
You stay home from work wrapped in a fuzzy blanket on your couch.
You rewatchFriendsfor the millionth time.
You eat a tub of ben & jerrys.
Then you eat cereal for dinner.
You let the tears flow freely.
And they keep flowing.
Your skin becomes blotchy and your nose becomes chapped.
Your eyes become swollen.
You dont recognize yourself in the bathroom mirror.
You ignore the texts from your friends asking if you are okay.
You avoid seeing anyone, so you dont have to tell them how much you are hurting.
You feel as though the world has fallen apart.
And you wish someone could be there to save you.
You wish someone could wrap their arms around you and make you feel okay again.
You wish someone could relieve the drowning feeling you are experiencing.
You wish they could bring you a life raft and suddenly make everything okay again.
But as much as you want this, you cant really imagine it.
You cant imagine feeling good again.
You cant imagine life feeling light again.
You cant imagine being happy, let alone excited about anything ever again.
You might not brush your teeth twice a day.
You probably wont floss.
Youll most likely go to sleep in the same sweatpants you had on all day.
Youll probably wear these same clothes for a few days and nights in a row.
And the days will blur.
Youll become emotionally exhausted.
Youll start to wonder if this is just how its going to be.
But then one morning, youll see the sunrise.
And youll feel your heart break, all over again.
But something special will happen.
Youll feel a little bit of warmth.
Youll feel a little bit of something worth holding onto.
And that is when you will know that you will survive.
You will get through this.
And then, it will hit you.
You will realize that it is up to you to get better.
It is up to you to find a way out of this darkness.
Noone can rescue you.
Noone can save you.
You cant drown yourself in food or alcohol, or even bubble baths.
You cant mope around forever, in the hopes that somehow this will make it any better.
Deep down, you have to convince yourself to get better.
You throw away the empty tubs of ice cream.
You take a shower, and put some moisturizer on.
You sit on the couch to watch Netflix, but you dont cocoon yourself in a blanket.
You eat breakfast and drink coffee instead.
You think about how they have always told you that you are special.
So you give a shot to think of yourself as special.
You give a shot to think of yourself as someone who matters.
And its not easy at first.
When youre drowning in your own self pity, its nearly impossible to tell yourself that you are loved.
And that you matter.
And that you are worth saving.
And you hit it one more time.
And you keep on trying.
You find that the hardest part is finding hope, when you feel like there isnt any hope.
You hold onto this hope.
You go to work.
You take a walk.
You listen to your favorite album.
You read a chapter of your favorite book.
You text back your best friend.
You call your sister.
You do the very best you’re able to, with whatever you have.
You give yourself love, even when it feels impossible.
You treat yourself with compassion, even when your immediate inclination is to put yourself down.
And you slowly realize that you are healing.
It doesnt mean you should probably move completely past what youve been through.
It doesnt mean that your pain doesnt matter.
It just means that the pain no longer controls your life.
It means that slowly, you will be able to start feeling like you again.
It means that you will have a scar, rather than an open wound.
And once you realize this, youll rise back up.
Youll realize that its okay to pick yourself up, even if you are still hurting.
And when you do this, you will realize how strong you are.
You will realize that you were strong enough to heal, all on your own.
You will realize that you are strong enough to save yourself.
And one day, you will be better because of it.
You will be able to feel vast joy.
You will be more able to give and receive love.
Youll realize that the world is so big.
Its so full of energy and life, and little twists and turns that you cannot predict.
There is still so much time and so much space for good things to happen for you.
