I put you first, and you put me second.
I was falling for you, and you were just playing your cards, keeping your options open.
I know you liked me, and I dont doubt that you did care about me.
Jamie Street
It was the side smiles and the way you blushed when I whispered in your ear.
I could see that you felt something.
I could see that we werent solely platonic.
You didnt careenough.And that is all that matters now that one little word enough.
I wasnt your person, and you just decided not to let me in on this secret.
I couldnt continue to put my heart on the line when my feelings towards you would never be returned.
Because the truth is, you probably would have replaced me if someone better had come along.
And yet to me, you were my someone better.
I allowed myself to be transfixed by you.
I allowed myself to be swept away by your little gestures.
I allowed you to charm your way into my heart, with only a little effort.
I fell for you when our eyes locked.
I fell for you when you laughed with me about my awkward stories.
You were hard to get you were impossible to get.
I pushed aside the little voice that told me that maybe you werent ready for something serious.
Because I didnt want to believe it.
Not in a cocky sort of way, but because I noticed something special between us.
And I thought that because of this, we complimented each other.
But you stayed my almost.
I was the only one invested in this long term.
Despite how much you had led me on.
Despite how much you had made me believe otherwise.
And I was more than a little crushed.
I thought maybe it was my fault, or that I wasnt enough for you.
You never expected this to turn into something real.
I grieved your loss.
I allowed myself to be upset.
And I tried my hardest not to blame myself for being so blind to your games.
I reminded myself that you did care about me, you did have feelings for me.
I was brave to have trusted you.
You didnt value me for me.
You didnt have the intention of loving me.
And the moment I reached this realization was the moment I started to get over you.
Because if I wasnt enough for you, then you werent enough for me.
There is no casual dating.
This has to be the end.
I dont regret you.
I dont regret falling for you.
But I dont want to repeat this kind of relationship again.
I dont want to fall for someone who sees me as temporary.
I want to be someones first choice.
I want to be someonesperson.
And I think Its okay that it happened how it did.
I dont blame you and I dont blame myself.
I wore rose colored glasses when I was with you, and I saw what I wanted to see.
I lowered my inhibitions due to the magnetic pull I felt when I was around you.
I trusted you with my heart.
And I cant blame myself for doing so.
But next time around, Im going to be a little more cautious.
Im going to wait for someone who wants me to be their person.
And in the meantime, I forgive you.
I forgive you for hurting me, as I know that was never your intention.
I forgive you for leading me on, with no hopes of actually ever fully having me.
I forgive you for not liking me quite enough.
And I forgive myself.
I forgive myself for falling for you.
I forgive myself for not seeing what was right in front of me.
I forgive myself for looking at you and looking at the world through innocent eyes.
Because I deserve a person who chooses to love me, every single day.
I deserve a person wont be afraid to fall hard for me, without holding back.
And most of all, I deserve a person who is ready to give me their full heart.
Not just a fraction of it.
Not just a piece.
