I’m always living in the unknown.
Always on edge just waiting for the floor to collapse under me.
Always just waiting for the people I love to go away as soon as I feel stable.
Soroush Karimi
Always waiting for my happiness to disappear as soon as I learn how to smile again.
By
Updated 8 years ago,June 1, 2017
Its an ongoing cycle.
An ongoing battle of thoughts inside my head that make me doubt my friendships and my life.
Anxiety makes me question everything.And it honestly makes me doubt myself.
Its a never ending rain cloud that follows me around, wherever I go and whatever I do.
Its always thundering at my eardrums, always screaming and making me choke out my words.
Soroush Karimi
Its always making me question every single thing I do.
Its always making me wonder.
Anxiety makes me think that if someone doesnt answer my text, then I did something wrong.
Anxiety makes me think its always my fault.
That its my fault if someone cancels last minute.
That its my wrongdoing if someone forgets to text me back.
It sends me into a whirlwind that is hard to get out of.
Because the tiny thoughts it sends me grows into volcanos of panic.
Anxiety makes me think that I dont deserve the life that I have.
It tells me that my friends only like me for the time being and that they will eventually leave.
Anxiety makes me question everything in my life; and yes even the great stuff.
It makes me pace my bedroom at midnight, wondering when the bomb is going to go off.
Wondering when all the good stuff in my life will be gone.
Wondering when everything will fall apart.
Anxiety has me believing that my happiness and peace of mind is just temporary.
It has me believing that my mind is only going to be ok for so long.
That my life is going to go uphill, but will eventually crumble once again.
It has me in a constant battle.
A battle within myself.
To listen to those voices, or to ignore them.
But what if anxiety is right?
What if those tiny thoughts I have at night happen?
What if people do talk behind my back?
What if my coworkers think Im not talented enough?
What if my friends get better friends and forget about me?
What if I truly never fall in love again?
What if my parents think Im a failure?
What if guys only want me for a pretty face?
What if everything that my anxiety is telling me, is actually going to come true?
Im always living in the unknown.
Always on edge just waiting for the floor to collapse under me.
Always just waiting for the people I love to go away as soon as I feel stable.
Always waiting for my happiness to disappear as soon as I learn how to smile again.
