I am striving to be the best person I can be.
Sometimes it seems like I should remain alone forever.
Its easier to ignore my ugly when no one else knows whats really going on.
Jack Antal
As soon as I care about someone, the question arises: how much can I share?
When am I demonstrating trust and when am I accidentally treating that person like my therapist?
Yes, single life is simpler.
I can be selfish with my time and commit to inward reflection as much as I damn well kindly.
I need interaction to distract me from the disruptive, dysfunctional thought processes that come up when Im alone.
I get attached in spite of myself.
I start to fear losing that person and then I let it all go to shit.
It becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Lets be honest most of the time its a terrible idea.
Then I suffocate and shut down my negative feelings instead.
That doesnt work either.
I want to be able to love and be loved without fear or insecurity.
My anxiety is my worst enemy and I keenly desire to eradicate it.
The depression and anxiety are familiar but its time to get rid of them for good.
They are not who I am and I no longer want them to define me.
To know that and still struggle to change it is beyond exasperating, but Im trying.
I am doing the best I can do right now.
I wouldnt ask anything more of anyone else, so I must be kind to myself.
I am striving to be the best person I can be.
I am loving, kind, and compassionate.
Its only when I give in that trouble arises.
Like it or not, Ive been dealt this condition.
How I choose to perceive and control it is my choice, and I refuse to let it win.
