I never feel relaxed.
I never feel safe.
I am always on the edge of my seat, worrying about what will happen next.
God & Man
By
Updated 8 years ago,October 29, 2017
I never feel relaxed.
I never feel safe.
I am always on the edge of my seat, worrying about what will happen next.
I am always waiting for whatever ounce of happiness that I have to be yanked away from me.
For the charade of calmness to come to an end.
I am scared to raise my hand in class.
God & Man
Scared to send emails to my bosses.
Scared to dance at parties.
Scared to leave my house to socialize.
And I am scared of bigger things.
I am scared of death.
Because I am worried about becoming another statistic.
I cant trust anyone.
I can only trust myself.
But at the same time, I canteventrust myself.
When that doubt creeps inside, I dont know whether I am being a realist or being ridiculous.
Whether I am overreacting or finally seeing things the way they were meant to be seen.
Fear follows me everywhere and my insecurities tag alone, too.
I am always uncomfortable, no matter the situation.
During long silences, I freak out, hoping the other person isnt bored of me.
I am only half listening.
I am only half there.
I am only half existing at any given time.
And thinking is the worst thing for me.
My brain is my worst enemy.
It convinces me that I am unattractive.
It has always been that way and I am worried that is never going to change.
