The previous year I had been having episodes of fever that would result in nothing.
I was losing my hair as if I was having chemo and losing weight every day.
My mental health was also collapsing.
None of those facts called my attention to the obvious.
Something was killing me, and I hadnt noticed.
My mind was tempestuous but still quiet.
The loose ends werent connecting.
I couldnt have a complete thought.
I tried to answer some questions but would give up before even making any sense.
At the hospital, they ran hundreds of tests on me.
After around 14 hours of testing, they sent us home.
It was one of the doctors asking me to go back to the hospital straight away.
They knew my name, offered me water, and asked us to wait for someone to call me.
I was very weak and could barely breathe.
It didnt take long until a nurse came outside a door, and asked to come inside, alone.
I saw two chairs facing one another, a gurney, and a table.
I was told to sit on one of those chairs and wait.
I couldnt hear anything, I felt as if I was being swallowed by the ocean.
When I was able to catch the air and blow a sound I said NO!
I could barely react.
They told me to communicate with my family, and, somehow, be ready.
I didnt know how she was going to react.
While in there, my only tasks were to rest and eat.
I was looking calm but my mind was constantly conceptualizing my new reality.
I had time to think.
I put things in perspective.
I went through moments of self-stigma.
I questioned my ability to make choices, my life, my future, everything.
That was the moment that changed everything.
And so I did.
I love what I call my life pills and take them happily.
I cherish every moment of my life and I became friends with my diagnosis.
Studying and educating myself about HIV and AIDS turned out to be a passion.
But I was still keeping my HIV status a secret.
It seemed like a dirty secret I had to hide.
But it didnt feel that way, at all.
I was never ashamed of having HIV.
I never made the infection easy, and I learned that pretty much ANYONE can be infected with HIV.
So I spoke to my family and decided to come public about my status.
This was, unquestionably, the best decision I have ever made.
I have always been very positive.
There will always be unexpected problems to be dealt with in life.
We cant avoid that.
But we can choose HOW we are going to handle them.
And I do it turning my pains into something good.
I face my problems with an open mind and heart.
Living with HIV nowadays is a chronic condition.
Its a healthy context, that provides plain quality of life.
I am grateful for my life and everything that happened to me.
Today my existence is much more meaningful, and I love living it.
