Every time I got let down.
Every time I got disappointed.
Every time something ended that I thought would be different.
Thought.is
In 2017I said I love you for the first time in a while and I meant it.
Only I didnt hear it back.
I laid next to a lot of people at nighthoping and prayingthis would be something more.
Thought.is
But it never was.
Every prospect was some false lead.
And every road I walked on cautiously led to some dead end.
Every word they said that sounded nice turned out to be a lie.
And every time I followed their lead I was made to be the fool.
My heart broke this year worse than it had before.
Only I was expected to just get over it.
If 2017 taught me anything its to be more cautious with matters of the heart.
To not believe everything they say.
Because guys will tell you anything you want to hear.
Im not desperately looking for love.
I dont even have apps on my phone.
I even stopped dating for a really long time because I thought maybe that would be better.
In 2018 I dont want much.
I just want to meet someone who is honest.
I just want to meet someone who cares.
I just want to meet someone who is as tired of dating games as I am.
I want to meet someone who isnt using me to get over someone else.
I want to meet someone who Im not just drinking with.
I dont think its demanding much to want something real.
The relationships that are more than just something physical.
The guys who arent using me emotionally because they know Ill answer every time.
In 2018 I just want someone who stays.
Someone who is willing to put in as much effort as I do.
Someone I can introduce my friends and family to who isnt afraid of that step.
Someone who will be there on holidays or big days in my life.
Someone who cares enough to fit me into their life even though were both busy with our own.
Someone who cares enough to show up when I need them.
But there are moments Im tired of being so strong alone.
I dont think its weak to admit I want someone.
Because Im not lonely.
Im proud of the life Ive created for myself.
But there are moments it would be nice to share that with someone.
Want someone to share in my success.
Hold me in moments of failure.
But is worthy of the things I feel for them.
Im not asking for some grand love just someone to make me believe in it again.
Someone who makes me trust it again.
Someone who makes me realize why every relationship ended the way it did.
Someone that makes me realize the right relationship wasnt far away.
Because with everything that happened in 2017, has me wondering what the hell am I doing wrong here?
I need to believe in love again.
I need to have faith in someone.
Dear 2018,I dont look back at 2017 negatively.
Alone it was one of my best years.
But if 2018 has anything in store for me, I hope its a love that stays.
