Lawyers and mediators share their best tips on how to divorce a narcissist and tackle custody issues with effectiveness.
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Updated 2 years ago,June 30, 2023
Battling a narcissist in the legal system takes strength.
Divorcing or negotiating custody with a narcissist is not easy.
Andrea Piacquadio
It is necessary, especially with divorces involving children, for parents to communicate about issues involving their children.
These applications are designed to act as one-stop shops for communication for divorced parents.
They generally have calendars, messaging systems, reimbursement requests and reconciliation, document sharing, etc.
Utilizing one location to manage conversations, instead of calendars, emails, text messages, etc.
helps to keep things streamlined and organized.
Many of these applications have date stamps, for information sent, received, and read/responded to.
Many states have websites with general information about the laws in your state.
Consult with a divorce attorney early on to understand your rights.
This includes ensuring that you have knowledge of and passwords to accounts.
Narcissists are extremely difficult to work with because they have no boundaries and little respect for rules.
The collaborative process puts up some solid guard rails that can help with this key in of personality.
Courts will be reluctant to this in the beginning.
Plan your steps carefully and ensure everything is done behind their back.
Dont let them know you want a divorce until you have all your ducks in a row.
When it comes to co-parenting with a narcissist, it can be challenging.
Establish clear boundaries and communicate only about matters directly related to the child.
Use theBIFF method,the gray rock methodcoined by Skylar, and reverse DARVO technique.
Narcissists love flattery and compliments.
Use flattery as a de-escalation tool.
Keep interactions as brief and to-the-point as possible, focusing on the childs needs.
Seek support from trusted friends, family, or support groups who can provide empathy and guidance.Dr.
So, a fair settlement with narcissists is generally difficult to come by.
Dont take the bait in the heat of the moment and do not respond to personal attacks.
Remember that negative attention is still attention that just rewards the toxic behavior and ensures it will repeat.
Allow at least twenty minutes to pass if you feel your temper rising.
When possible, default to listening, and ask yourself, Does this communication truly require a response?
More often than not, the answer is no (because its just venting or an attack).
And if not, use the power of silence.S.
When communicating regarding the children, stick only to the necessary facts and details.
Dont allow the other party to get a rise out of you.
David Reischer, Esq.Family Law Attorney & CEO ofLegalAdvice.com
Documentation is important.
In contentious divorce or custody cases, its important to documenteverything.
You must keep the narcissist in the dark about your plans and actions.
An individual therapist who specializes in NPD can help you predict their behavior and keep yourself safe.
Most couples therapists cant identify NPD, especially covert narcissism, and some are even afraid of them.
You must find a therapist that really gets covert abuse and NPD.Dr.
This evidence can be crucial in court proceedings to demonstrate patterns of behavior or establish credibility.
Its important to remain calm and composed during court proceedings, presenting yourself as a stable and reliable parent.
For co-parenting, effective communication and establishing clear boundaries are the key.
After all, they are no longer a couple.
In custody cases involving a narcissistic parent, its important to prioritize the best interests of the child.
The narcissist will use the child as manipulation and control tactic and does not care about their best interest.
You must protect your child at all costs.
Document instances where they fail to fulfill their parental responsibilities or act inappropriately.Dr.
Create a detailed parenting plan that outlines each parents responsibilities, visitation schedules, and decision-making processes.
Stick to the agreed-upon plan and be consistent with your actions and expectations.
Prioritize open and respectful communication, whether it be through dedicated co-parenting apps or regular meetings.
Narcissists, or toxic personalities, are not able to act in this manner.
Therefore, it may be best to parallel parent, rather than attempt to co-parent.
However, it is necessary to share information.
Consider delivering information instead of soliciting feedback.
There is a big difference between Johnny has expressed an interest in soccer.
Practices are on Tuesdays and Thursdays from 6:30-7:15.
I plan to sign Johnny up by June 15th and Johnny has expressed an interest in soccer.
I can research which programs are best.
Do you have thoughts?
The former provides information, outlines a plan, and delivers an opportunity for a response.
The latter asks open-ended questions, inviting circular discussion and space for discord.
Remember that you may need to deal with this person for 18+ years.
have a go at pick your battles and see where you’re able to find agreements.
If you are negotiating a parenting plan, dont run away from issues that you suspect will arise.
Having clear and precise boundaries can help.
Use written communication as much as possible to avoid any confusion and provide a record of all discussions.
Its sick, but its thesad truth.
Keep the boundaries tight and do not cross them.
Narcissists only respond to severe consequences so build those into your parenting plan and enforce them.
Unfortunately, that takes two.
