It is an age-old debate with no concrete answer.
I have been writing about relationships for ten years now and I still get thisquestion constantly on my TikTok.
However, this topic isnt quite so simple, so let me break it down.
Loc Dang
A close friend of mine recently met an amazing guy on an online dating site.
He was smart, successful, and a dead-ringer for Bradley Cooper.
Things got off to a promising start.
They exchanged a few flirty messages and he asked her to go out that Saturday night.
Before the date, she told me she was a little unsure about this guy.
They were still in contact; he would still text her messages full of sexual innuendoes.
But sometimes he didnt text, or would just drop off when she asked him about something non-sex related.
Suddenly, their relationship went from elegant Saturday night dates to random 2 AM hookups.
I stood silently as the whole thing started to unravel.
And when they did, my friend finally called me up and said, I dont get this.
I really,reallylike him.
What did I do wrong?
But even still, I told her flat out that she slept with him too soon.
It was a pretty open-and-shut case, probably one of the easiest relationship questions brought to me.
What do you mean?
I waited until the third date!
Isnt that what youre supposed to do?
I tried to stifle my laughter at the absurdity of her statement.
Okay, well, tell me this.
What did you actually know about this guy?
What do you know about him that you couldnt find out from his online dating profile or Facebook page?
Ummm…. Well, he would show me pictures of his nieces and nephews and talk about them!
Do you know what his ultimate goals are?
What makes him happy?
What his weak points are?
Well, no….
And therein lies the problem.
She slept with him before they developed any sort of a real connection.
They were still in the casual getting-to-know-one-another phase.
What matters is the quality of the time you spend together.
The guy my friend was dating never really invested in her.
When sex comes before a real emotional connection has been established, its hard to rewind the clock.
The right time to sleep with a guy is when he has shown a level of investment in you.
(This is assuming you want a relationship with him.
This doesnt necessarily mean he calls you his girlfriend or has said he loves you.
It means you both are able to drop your masks and be real when youre together.
It means he cares about you and respects you as a person.
The issue is that men dont value what they perceive is readily and easily available to all other men.
