Healing involves understanding how youve been abused, forgiving yourself, and rebuilding your self-esteem and confidence.
Emotional abuse precedes violence but is rarely discussed.
An enormous number of people are subjected to emotional abuse.
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Unfortunately, many dont even know it.
Why is Emotional Abuse Hard to Recognize?
Emotional abuse may be hard to recognize because it can be subtle, and abusers often blame their victims.
They may act like they have no idea why you are upset.
It has become more common and accepted in politics and the media.
Other aspects of the relationship may work well.
The abuser may be loving between abusive episodes so that you deny or forget them.
Personality of an Abuser
Abusers typically want to control and dominate.
They use verbal abuse to accomplish this.
Their moods can shift from fun-loving and romantic to sullen and angry.
Some punish with anger, others with silence or both.
Its usually their way or the highway.
Are You Being Abused?
It may not begin until after an engagement, marriage, or pregnancy.
If you look back, you may recall tell-tale signs of control or jealousy.
Eventually, you and the entire family walk on eggshells and adapt so as not to upset the abuser.
People who respect and honor themselves wont allow someone to abuse them.
Many people allow abuse to continue because they fear confrontations.
Usually, they are martyrs, caretakers, or pleasers.
They feel guilty and blame themselves.
It could have been a strict or alcoholic dad, an invasive mom, or a teasing sibling.
Healing involves understanding how youve been abused, forgiving yourself, and rebuilding your self-esteem and confidence.
What is Emotional Abuse?
If youre wondering if your relationship is abusive, it probably is.
Behavior that controls where you go, to whom you talk, or what you think is abusive.
It may be said in a loving, quiet voice, or maybe indirect even concealed as a joke.
Whether disguised as play or jokes, sarcasm or teasing that is hurtful is abusive.
Opposing:The abuser will argue against anything you say, challenging your perceptions, opinions, and thoughts.
Stonewalling and withholding sex are examples.
Withholding can be cruel when used as retaliation and punishment.
Blocking:This is another tactic used to abort conversation.
The abuser may switch topics, accuse you, or use words that in effect say, Shut Up.
Discounting & Belittling:This is verbal abuse that minimizes or trivializes your feelings, thoughts, or experiences.
Its a way of saying that your feelings dont matter or are wrong.
The abuser instead may express affection or make declarations of love and caring.
Abuse is used as a tactic tomanipulateand have power over you.
The abuser has won at that point and deflected responsibility for the verbal abuse.
Sometimes, you’ve got the option to deflect verbal abuse with humor.
It puts you on equal footing and deprives the abuser of the power they seek in belittling you.
Repeating back what is said to you also has an impact, followed by a calm boundary.
For example, Did you say you think that I dont know what doing?
You may get a defiant repetition of the insult.
If you keep setting boundaries, the abuser will get the message that manipulation and abuse wont be effective.
The relationship may or may not change for the better, or deeper issues may surface.
Either way, youre rebuilding your self-confidence and self-esteem, and are learning important skills about settingboundaries.
Abuse can slowly chip away at self-esteem.
Confronting an abuser, especially in a long term relationship can be challenging.
Once you take back your power and regain your self-esteem, you wont allow someone to abuse you.
To confront abuse,build your self-esteemand learn to beassertive.
