It was morning again.
I sat up and rubbed my face, trying to drive away the memories that invaded my night.
Just like the others, this memory was here to stay.
Peter Kleinau
Maddie was a murderer, a 14-year-old burgeoning serial killer.
Her plan failed, thankfully.
My mind was a jumble of terrible images and unanswerable questions.
My day had to start eventually, and it was something to do.
I measured the water, doled out the grounds into the filter, and started the machine.
A simple procedure that did little to take my mind off of things.
What was I supposed to do?
Should I report it to the police?
How could I explain what I didnt fully understand myself?
Should I just leave?
It was supposed to be a simple, uncomplicated assignment with a generous paycheck at the end.
Still, I probably had enough reference photos to finish the job at home.
I wasnt so sure I could stand to look at another barn for the foreseeable future.
The atmosphere had changed, and for no reason I could quite pinpoint, I began to feel afraid.
I couldnt say why.
Both doors were locked and I could detect no sign of a forced entry.
Nothing sinister at all to report.
Thats when I saw it.
There, on the counter, a newspaper.
The newspaper that sat on the counter was yellow with age, practically ancient.
I glanced around, grimacing.
Someone left it here, but why?
It was a local paper, The Belleville Republican.
The date was October 25th, 1992.
That was the year I turned five.
We would have moved away by then, but just barely.
It read as follows:
The Ghoul of Belleville Has Been Caught!
Below this was a photo of several grim policemen hauling a filthy and bewildered-looking man out of a farmhouse.
I stared at the man for several minutes, but he evoked no memories, fair or foul.
Still, the connection seemed obvious.
I read the attached article.
BELLEVILLE Last night, at 7:14 P.M. police apprehended Eric James Gunderson, a derelict.
All three bodies also showed evidence of torture before finally succumbing to their injuries.
Found in his effects was a pair of underwear identified as belonging to one of the slain children.
The victim was his own son, now estranged and living with his mother in Tuscon, AZ.
I snatched it from the tile and found it addressed simply toJohnny.
I unfolded it and read the message within.
Dear Johnny,
Hey kiddo.
Its good to see you again, even if you havent seen me yet.
Let us start fresh.
The Ghoul of Belleville!
Pretty cool nickname, huh?
Do you remember everything yet?
I know how tirelessly mom, dad, and their shrink have worked to erase me from your memory.
I think its time for a reunion of the old club, dont you?
Come on down to the clubhouse, whenever youre ready.
Oh, and kiddo?
Dont get any funny ideas about bringing company along.
Id hate for this one to have to die without you.
Love, Maddie (your imaginary friend!
Maddie had been all but erased from history, living off the grid for decades.
My parents, damn them, helped her along with their revisionist history.
She was the proverbial one armed man.
I stepped into her noose without even knowing it.
If I ignored her note she would find me, and probably hurt other people in the process.
If I came with the cops she would kill the boy and disappear.
As far as the cops would know, I was leading them to my own signed confession.
I didnt hold any illusions that if I met with her I could reason with her.
It was the afternoon before I gathered the will to face her.
On the kitchen counter I left Maddies note, the weathered newspaper, and a note of my own.
I came unarmed, without so much as a kitchen knife to protect me.
She had much more experience with deadly weapons in any case, I was hopelessly outmatched.
I only hoped I would find the right one before she grew impatient.
Even with all of my admittedly lackluster detective work the search was slow going.
Only a few charred timbers remained.
I ran back to the car and drove to the next location as quickly as I dared.
Occasionally I passed motorists, farmers and other locals who likely recognized my vehicle.
Surely the child was missed by now, and I couldnt afford to attract attention to myself.
I glanced at my watch and swore.
If I didnt find her soon I would be forced to face her after dark.
The idea of Maddies growing blood lust was never far from my mind.
How long could a creature like her restrain her murderous impulses?
I had no idea.
I could only hope that whatever she wanted from me was enough to stay her hand.
The second barn still stood, but I knew on sight that it was a dead end as well.
It sparked no feeling from me, no dreadful recollection.
They screeched and fled, leaving behind a gentle snowfall of discarded feathers.
Somehow I knew the third candidate would prove to be my final destination.
I knew it as soon as I stepped out of the car and into the woods beyond the road.
The path was still there, as Maddie knew I would find it.
The trail was overgrown but I could still see the ghost of it.
The woods seemed impossibly dark in the waning light.
I stepped in, flashlight in hand.
As I trudged through the undergrowth flashes of memories came flooding back to me.
I remembered the innocent time when I had not an inkling of Maddies darker side.
I remembered my first and greatest friend, the person I idolized.
The person who always had time for her baby brother.
She was there for me in ways my own parents never matched.
All of it given under the pretext of guiding my path to a brilliant future and untold success.
I did all she asked, wishing only to see her smile.
That strange smile I loved so well.
I did as she bade even when it frightened me.
Soon her tutelage began to grow strange and terrible.
Though my love for her burned as brightly as ever, I began to fear her as well.
I began to fear her lessons and fear what I understood adulthood to represent.
When I finally failed her test I saw a side of her previously unsuspected.
I saw her rage.
I saw her seize the head of a squalling lamb and snap it with a terrible roar.
The next time I obeyed.
How close did I come in the end to becoming just like her?
I felt eyes on me from all around, and told myself this was just paranoia.
Every step was an act of will.
Somewhere out there in the growing darkness I could feel the barn, our clubhouse.
I could feel its pull.
Finally I could see the shape of it looming through the thinning forest.
High up in the hayloft I thought I could see a faint glow.
I could not turn back, I didnt dare.
Somehow I knew she knew I had arrived.
I stepped into the clearing, into the barnyard.
The door stood open a crack, inviting.
Muscle memory guided me through the twists and turns of decay.
This time was so much easier than in my last, terrible dream.
A voice called out from the darkness.
I froze, my heart pounding and prickles of fear riding up and down my flesh.
It was her, it was Maddie.
Im so glad you made it, I was starting to worry you wouldnt come!
Do you remember everything yet?
Well, never mind, Ill help you fill in the blanks when you get here!
We have plenty of time to talk.
I didnt answer, I couldnt.
After a time I forced myself forward again.
The flashlights beam created grotesque shadows from the strange machinery.
I tried to ignore them.
The real monster lay ahead.
I missed you so much, Johnny!
I could almost believe her kind tone.
A ghost of the love I once felt for her welled up unbidden from somewhere deep within.
I still did not dare believe I could get through to her.
Not much farther, now.
Its been so lonely all these years, but I never stopped thinking of you.
Youre my best friend, Johnny.
I want to share everything with you.
I turned another corner, walls constructed of bales of barbed wire.
Another of Maddies stories.
The idea that I was her prince gave unpleasant connotations in my grown mind.
Through the narrow path in the thorns I saw the ladder to the hayloft.
The entrance to the castle.
In this fairy tale it was the wicked witch waiting above.
I clambered up the ladder to my waiting destiny.
Her hand seized my own as I groped at the wooden platform of the hayloft.
I gasped and nearly fell to the jagged mess below.
Instead she hauled me up to relatively solid ground.
It was nearly a miracle the wood had not rotted away.
I still didnt trust it any more than my present company.
I scrambled as far away from her as the limited space would allow.
As my thudding heart slowed with excruciating slowness, I became aware that we were alone in the loft.
There was no child.
Maddie, allowing me my space, nodded sympathetically from the opposite side.
An electric lantern glowed dimly beside her, illuminating her makeshift camp.
A bedroll and a stash of canned food I recognized as having come from my own pantry.
I asked, able to speak at last.
Its just you and me, little brother.
Im sorry, I didnt want to deceive you like all the others.
You understand, dont you?
What do you want?
I told you, kiddo, She replied, I just want to talk about old times.
I really wasnt going to hurt you that night, truly.
I never wanted to hurt you, and I understood you werent ready yet.
It was just like the lamb, remember?
You were scared then, but soon enough you were ready for that.
I was so proud of you when you crushed that cats skull.
I could tell, you loved it.
But its nothing compared to a human life.
I cried, I didnt love it.
I wish I never did it, I wish I could have forgotten it forever.
Maddie said, emphatically.
I think you know that, too.
I saw your painting, saw the look on your face.
You put it there, it was just like that night.
It was gorgeous, Johnny.
I always knew you had talent.
Its a gift, a gift from God, and this is the same, it really is!
I moaned, but something inside me could see the truth in her words.
I could remember that terrible, terrible joy.
But I wasnt like her!
So what if I felt anticipation well up against the fear when we led that boy to the clubhouse?
In the end I turned away from destruction, denied her teachings.
I ran away and embraced creation.
I know, kiddo.
She smiled, It was too soon.
I was careless, like I said.
Thats why I didnt blame you.
For telling them everything?
I asked, For telling mom about the animals, and the boy?
Mom already knew, Maddie told me.
Or at least she suspected.
She suspected me, at least.
Im not sure how, exactly.
Mothers have a way about them, so Im given to understand.
She knew, do you understand?
She knew, and she looked the other way.
Tacit permission, as far as I was concerned.
Not that I gave a shit what she or dad thought.
They sure as hell never cared what I did.
Not after you were born.
I dont blame you for that either.
Or to run away from it, leaving it all alone.
What happened after that night?
After I told them?
I suddenly remembered standing in a darkened hallway and listening to a screaming fight between the three of them.
Yeah, thats right.
I tried to explain why I did the things I did, I hoped they could understand.
They couldnt, or wouldnt.
Like nothing else, not sex, not drugs.
I never even felt alive, or else I felt like nothing else in the world was real.
Nothing compared to the feeling I got when I took a life, when I tasted the flesh.
What did they say?
I asked, What did they do?
What did they do?
They told me I was sick, that I needed help.
They wanted me to stop.
I would rather die.
They didnt make a run at stop me.
They called the police and reported me a runaway.
When enough time passed and I didnt come back for them, I was declared dead.
They took you away as soon as they could.
Surely there would be a record of your death, though, right?
I asked, perplexed, I should have found it online.
Thats why they changed their name.
Of course, I muttered.
It was so simple, I should have thought of it.
The rest, She told me, as far as I know, is simple programming.
You were so young, so pliable.
They really did a number on you, little brother.
God, I wish I had killed them too.
I still could, I know where they are.
I was dumbstruck, but it all made sense.
Even as recently as a few weeks ago my mother was still up to those tricks.
Still turning a blind eye.
I could hate her for that, but I still didnt want her to die.
Maddie, maybe mom and dad were not the best parents, but you cant kill them!
yo, yo, youve got to stop!
You have no right!
Maddie just stared back at me, eyes cold and mouth set.
My stomach dropped a few floors and my brain pulsed with static, the onset of panic.
I knew that look from years ago.
From the first test.
She bellowed, the tendons in her neck standing in stark relief.
She advanced on me, and I tried to shrink back into the wall.
I suddenly wish I had brought a gun.
Who decides what is right, brother?
Im the only one who ever told you the truth, and you take THEIR SIDE!?
She roared and leapt at me.
Somehow I rolled away in time.
The ancient boards creaked menacingly with her impact.
I begged, Stop, lets talk about this!
Too late, kiddo.
She said, stalking toward me.
Again I tried to scramble away, but there was nowhere to go.
I wanted to talk, but you turned on me!
Just like the others, you son of a bitch!
In a fluid motion she leaped at me again, drawing a knife from a sheath at her hip.
I wasnt fast enough this time, the blade drew blood from my left arm, searing pain.
The bloodied knife shone blackly in the moonlight.
The impact shook the rotted boards again, and they felt terribly close to collapse.
I sprung away, but she was ready.
I begged her again and again to stop, but the sight of my blood only intensified her fury.
She swiped the blade back and forth as I backpedaled and sidestepped desperately and with limited success.
I was bleeding now from several wounds in my chest and arms.
Some were shallow, some felt horribly deep.
I was going to die.
Finally sick of her cat and mouse game, Maddie charged at me and tackled me to the ground.
She rose the gory knife high to deliver a killing blow when the floorboards finally gave way.
It felt like we fell forever.
Somewhere through this agonized haze I could hear Maddie scream as well.
I looked, and saw her bleeding from wounds of her own.
Nails and shards of wood pierced her side where she landed.
I gritted my teeth and prepared to move.
I half crawled, half lurched toward the bramble forest bleeding in a thousand places.
A hand seized my foot and a banshee shrieked from somewhere behind me.
I fell to the ground trying and failing to protect my arm.
Blackness crowded around my vision, I was going to die.
Were not done here yet, The Minotaur snarled.
Her eyes shone in the failing light of the lantern, which landed somewhere nearby.
I wasnt sure what, the blackness was crowding in too deep.
She crawled up my prone body.
My arm sang a spirited symphony of outrage.
The Wicked Witch was on top of me, straddled my sides.
She stared into my eyes but I saw no life there.
She bared her teeth at me.
They seemed terribly sharp.
My neck was terribly exposed.
My hand found the shining thing it sought.
I swung the shining thing at Maddie with all of my remaining strength.
There was more of it then I thought.
The Maddie-Thing shrieked again and clawed at its neck.
Something had sprouted there, protruding from the base where neck met shoulder.
She rolled off of me, still screaming.
In the dim light I could see the shining thing was her knife.
Somehow I found the strength to rise and crawl to her.
Her screams had stopped by the time I reached her.
I looked down at my sister, her face growing peaceful.
Rage had subsided at last.
She looked up at me and smiled, tears welling in her eyes.
I loved it when she smiled at me.
Somehow I forgot about the pain, forgot about dying.
I wanted to tell her something, but I didnt know what it was.
She had something to tell me too, and she did know what it was.
She said, Oh kiddo.
Am I your first?
I dont remember much about the rest of that night.
I somehow managed to call 911, and I somehow managed to direct them to that remote barn.
Maybe they tracked my cell phone, I dont know.
All I can say for certain is that I eventually woke up in a hospital.
I answered their questions as honestly as possible, including admitting that I killed my sister.
I heard from Lisa before I heard from mom or dad.
She called me in the hospital with her own onslaught of questions.
Thankfully, as per usual, she did not require answers to most of them.
After determining that I was going to survive my injuries, it was back to business for her.
She assured me that she would handle the benefactors, however I decided to move forward with the project.
Mom and dad did eventually call, but I couldnt answer either of them.
I wasnt ready for the conversation we had coming.
She was a monster.
A psychopath, a murderer, and a cannibal.
She tried to make me like herself.
She was my sister.
I wanted to be just like her.
I dont know what the future holds for me, but my past is clearer than its ever been.
