Yes, Im serious.
No, I havent told my mother.
I had my first boyfriend at 13 I gave it a good run.
God & Man
I did not arrive at this decision impetuously.
I spent months critically evaluating my past relationships and overall experiences with dating.
(For context, I am a cis-het woman who dates men monogamously.)
Not in the least.
Admittedly, I did have some truly memorable times with the men I courted.
Unfortunately, the floating-on-air highs were always followed by devastating lows.
Why was I continuing to willingly put myself through a situation that has a very low success rate?
Heres A Disclaimer:
I hesitated to even write, let alone publish, this.
Women are easily dismissed with Thats why you single!
…Or maybe she just doesnt want to be bothered with yall.
Bitter.is the prevailing broken record.
Unattached women live under the threat of having any grievance (justifiable or otherwise) be trivialized as bitterness.
Im not bitter nor am I an enemy of men or happy couples.
This is not a side effect of my parents divorce nor a manifestation of my daddy issues.
In fact, those things actually made me seek out a significant other with even more hope.
I so wanted to believe I could beat the odds.
I am very blessed to have loving men in my life so this isnt a men aint shit post.
This is partially why I refused to settle.
I know the great potential men have.
(We have to redefine what alone actually means but I will get there).
Before I made this decision I explored this concept further by having a conversation with my eldest aunt.
Shes 64, never married, and I dont remember her ever having any man around.
She told me she knew from a young age that she never wanted to get married.
I just couldnt see how having a man could add to my life.
No one in my family is currently married.
Of course, that ended as things do in 2019: he ghosted me and committed to another woman.
He and I had excellent communication and were transparent about any other people we were seeing.
Someone else eventually came along for him.
For the first time in my adult life, there was no man.
No one waiting in the wings.
No potential for a future suitor.
No one to fill the gaps.
It was just me.
Damn, Im really doing this.
They are all so well-intended.
I submitted a proposal to present at a national conference in my field.
I finally made it to Paris and had the time of my life.
Theyll still ask Are you seeing anyone?
anyhow…
I have love in my life.
I truly believe that I have been blessed with the best friends in the world.
Yet, we are not expected to invest in those friendships with the same fervor.
My friends really do love me unconditionally.
(I sent the 20th one to Mr. Situationship and it got lost in the mail.
Take the hint, Erica.)
On a day that can be nauseating to single people, it gave me something to be excited about.
Redefine what it means to be alone.
Single women are not alone.
Best friends in the world).
Also, it is perfectly okay to do things by yourself.
Ive gone to so many concerts alone that I now prefer to do it that way.
The anxiety became crippling and self-deprecating at times.
Adding to the anxiety, being a single woman means you always have to beready.
Its honestly exhausting and I just didnt want to do it anymore.
I also realized how much I was subconsciously saving for when I was in a relationship.
I was waiting to go to Paris for my honeymoon.
Ill buy a house with someone eventually so it would be better to just wait.
Finding a good Friend With Benefits is not as easy as you would expect.
Can I still be a hopeless romantic even while I abstain from romance in my own life?
What do you do when Physical Touch is your love language yet no one touches you intimately?
Can a girl get a cuddle buddy?
I swear Im going through withdrawals.
Someone put their hand on my knee and I flinched.
Im growing less accustomed to having anyone in my bubble.
Who should I list as my In Case of Emergency?
No, but seriously.
My mother lives 600 miles away…
