I am better than this crap.
And so are you.
It’s infuriating that we just lose our self respect just to get a taste of attention.
Louis Kang
Just to get a drop.
By
Updated 8 years ago,August 1, 2017
Im not saying Im not guilty.
So partly, I guess, Im writing this for me as well.
We are smart people.
We have brains and we hopefully have some sense thats been knocked into our heads.
Well, at least until it comes to boys and men and relationships.
Louis Kang
Thats my biggest downfall because my heart is too open and wide and soft.
And I dont know how to stop it from falling.
It blows my mind that I can sit here and miss someone who doesnt give a shit about me.
It blows my mind that I have friends who wait and wait for a guy who does not care.
What the hell are we doing?
But I do it anyway.
This isnt who I am.
But yet, I do it over and over again hoping and praying that I can change someone.
Hoping and praying that itll be different this time.
But you cantchangeanyone in this world.
Im not dumb, but I do dumb things (as does anyone).
And Im tired of being fooled.
Im tired of being that girl that wants and wants, and never gets anything in return.
Im tired of fully knowing that a guy is wrong for me, and going after him anyway.
And its not because I dont love myself.
And I do love me.
Maybe just not enough.
Because if I loved myself, I wouldnt dance on top of bars to get my crushes attention.
If I loved myself, I wouldnt care about the boy who told me he didnt want anything serious.
I wouldnt care about the boy who ghosted me on Tinder.
I wouldnt care about the boy who wants mybody, but doesnt like the real me.
I am better than this crap.
And so are you.
Its infuriating that we just lose our self respect just to get a taste of attention.
Just to get a drop.
These guys arent worth it.
Ad they know it.
They milk it, for however long it lasts.
Knowing that we want them but we cant have them.
And its so tiresome.
And I dont want to do it anymore.
My friends tell me,Lauren, what the hell is wrong with you?
I know so much better.
But something about men who dont want me, makes me want them even more.
And I dont know why.
Maybe a part of me is broken or scared.
I dont know why I do this.
I dont know why we all do this to ourselves.
All it ends up being is another story to tell.
Another essay to write.
Another person to cry about.
Another glass of wine.
