But don’t condemn someone for all these feelings.
By
Updated 8 years ago,August 16, 2017
Ghosting is what a coward does.
For a long time, I convinced myself of that narrative.
Josh Shutler
I decided men who never gave me a solid reason were cowards.
Theyre always in the wrong.
Were selfish or immature.
I was better off.
My heart was too pure and loving for people who dropped of the face of the earth.
Its easy to condemn ghosting when you are the one being ghosted.
Josh Shutler
Its easy to cover up your hurt and embarrassment by blaming someone else and making them the villain.
Ghosting is not new.
Its not a millennial invention.
Every dating trend is just an updated, more technologically advanced version of something that existed in the past.
The phone calls stopped.
The letter writing ceased.
One day you saw someone you fancied out on a date with someone new.
No words exchanged, but a clear message nonetheless.
So no, this isnt a new phenomenon.
Its simply easier to know when its happening.
In an ideal world, we all communicate effortlessly.
We are honest without being cruel.
We verbalize exactly what we want and never just fade into the background.
But itsnotan ideal world.
Theres no perfect place.
Egos show up instead of the people attached to them.
We do things we think are right.
We do things we think will cause less pain.
Were selfish, and generous, sometimes all at once.
I dont think this is something to be sad about.
This is being realistic.
This is understanding how complicated people are and that searching for a blueprint to explain it all is futile.
Who wants that anyway?
Sounds like a real snore.
Ghosting does not feel good.
It doesnt feel good to do it or be on the receiving end of it.
Goodbyes are never fun.
Theres always an awkwardness, an expectation, a feeling of disappointment.
No one looks forward to them.
When youre ghosted, its not even all about the heartbreak.
Often, there isnt heartbreak.
Instead, its a sudden indignation.
Its ahow dare THEY ghost ME?Its ego, ego, ego.
It sends us spinning, looking for clues or reasons.
We become archeologists, digging away at ourselves trying to figure out whatwedid that was so utterly unlovable.
But see, this is not the fault of the person who ghosted.
This is something you already contained.
This is insecurity bubbling up.
This is what we all have.
Being ghosted just brings it front and center.
But dont condemn someone for all these feelings.
They didnt cause them.
These feelings existed inside you already.
Ghosting was just the match.
The fire had been building up for years.
Ive ghosted people and Im not proud.
Ive done it for different reasons.
Some, pure laziness.
Some, not wanting to have difficult conversations that would end in more hurt.
Some, because I was depressed and struggling to even get out of bed.
I am the ghostandthe ghosted.
I cannot claim one is better than the other.
I cannot claim an exit strategy fundamentally makes someone a bad person.
If were being truthful, we all contain a little apparition.
Lets stop demonizing it.
