He was the sweet talker and a charmer, he had a kind but immature soul.
Yet, it was so easy to fall for him.
And so much harder to let him go.
Anna Urlapova
Forgive yourself for answering the late night calls.
Forgive yourself for looking for meaning in his half thought out texts.
Forgive yourself for seeking closure, when he was already gone.
Forgive yourself for feeling heartbroken when he never reached back out to you.
Forgive yourself for thinking it wasnt really over, when in his mind, it was undoubtedly over.
Forgive yourself for feeling embarrassed when it was only you he seemed to need the closure after all.
Forgive yourself for trying to be there for everyone else, and neglecting to be there for yourself.
Forgive yourself for loving him long after he loved you.
Forgive yourself for getting back together with him, knowing that he no longer loved you.
Forgive yourself for grieving for for countless weeks and months after he left you the final time.
Forgive yourself for holding on for so long, for having hopes that he was the one.
For praying that your screen would light up with a just thinking about you text.
Forgive yourself for not always loving the people who loved you first.
And most importantly, forgive yourself for never taking care of yourself.
For choosing others over yourself.
For feeling like you had to change to fit in.
For feeling like you were never enough when you were being yourself.
For feeling like you werent good enough for the people you wanted to have in your life.
For feeling like you werent loved unless you did what everyone else was doing.
For hiding who you were, under diets or alcohol or fake friendships and relationships.
For choosing to be a person who you thought was more likeable than the real you.
Maybe you cant unlove the person who couldnt return your love.
And maybe you couldnt have made your friend stay, no matter how hard you tried.
But at the time, you were just searching for love.
You were seeking to feel both needed and comforted.
You were seeking to be cared about by others, to be good enough for others.
They taught you, in retrospect, that love is never something to be ashamed of.
You held on to people.
And that is nothing to be ashamed of.
That guy who couldnt love you?
That was his loss not yours.
In the words of Christina Yang, Hes very dreamy, but he is not the sun.
And for all of the times when you pretended to be someone you werent?
You were just trying to be accepted.
And thats not a flaw or a weakness.
But what is more important than being accepted by others is being accepted by yourself.
Forgive yourself for all of these moments when you put others above yourself.
Loving and investing in others is never a crime, so long as you invest in yourself first.
So long as you love yourself before you love another.
Because you have it in you to know who is serving you, and who is hurting you.
