Self-esteem affects not only what we think, but also how we feel and behave.
It and has significant ramifications for our happiness and enjoyment of life.
By
Updated 6 years ago,June 29, 2019
Self-esteem is what we think of ourselves.
Brooke Cagle
When its positive, we have confidence and self-respect.
Were content with ourselves and our abilities, in who we are and our competence.
Self-esteem is relatively stable and enduring, though it can fluctuate.
Healthy self-esteem makes us resilient and hopeful about life.
It and has significant ramifications for our happiness and enjoyment of life.
Even when we fail, it doesnt take diminish our self-esteem.
Then they improve upon them.
Healthy vs. Theirs is inflated, compensates for shame and insecurity, and is often unrelated to reality.
Thus, healthy self-esteem requires that were able to honestly and realistically assess our strengths and weaknesses.
Were not too concerned about others opinions of us.
When we accept our flaws without judgment, our self-acceptance goes beyond self-esteem.
Impaired Self-Esteem
Impaired self-esteem negatively impacts our ability to manage adversity and lifes disappointments.
All of our relationships are affected, including our relationship with ourselves.
We neither recognize our worth nor honor and express our needs and wants.
For example, we might people-like, manipulate, control or devalue them, or provoke jealousy.
We may also be afraid to try new things, because we might fail.
Symptoms of Healthy and Impaired Self-Esteem
The following chart lists symptoms that reflect healthy vs. impaired self-esteem.
Remember that self-esteem varies on a continuum.
Its not black or white.
You may relate to some but not all.
Healthy Self Esteem vs.
It also weakens your self-esteem.
Often you dont have a voice.
Your opinions and desires arent taken seriously.
Parents usually have low self-esteem and are unhappy with each other.
They may be abusive, controlling, interfering, manipulative, indifferent, inconsistent, or just preoccupied.
Directly or indirectly, they may shame their childrens feelings and personal traits, feelings, and needs.
Its not safe to be, to trust, and to express themselves.
Children feel insecure, anxious, and/or angry.
Eventually, they dont like themselves and feel inferior or inadequate.
This reflects how toxic shame becomes internalized.
Shame
Shame runs deeper than self-esteem.
Its a profoundly painful emotion rather than a mental evaluation.
Underlying toxic shame can lead to impaired or low self-esteem and other negative thoughts and feelings.
It can create feelings of false guilt, fear, and hopelessness.
We judge ourselves harshly for mistakes than others would.
Self-Esteem in Relationships
Our relationship with ourselves provides a template for our relationships with others.
It impacts our relationships happiness.
This can become a self-reinforcing cycle of abandonment, lowering self-esteem.
Autonomy
Self-esteem is necessary if were to feel autonomous, adequate, and comfortable on our own.
Without autonomy, we become reactive and defensive.
This spells disaster in relationships.
Neither partner feels free to be him or herself.
Assertiveness
Self-esteem and assertiveness go hand-in-hand.
Each reinforces the other.
Learning to be assertive lifts our self-esteem and vice-versa.
This makes it safe for both partners to be open and honest.
Abuse
Generally, we allow others to treat us the manner in which we believe we deserve.
When we dont respect ourselves, we wont expect to be treated with respect.
We might accept abuse or withholding behavior.
Our inner critic can be judgmental of others, too.
When were critical of our partner or highly defensive, it makes it difficult to problem-solve.
Insecure self-esteem can also make us suspicious, needy, or demanding of our partner.
Raising Self-Esteem
Self-esteem is generally determined by our teens.
Some of us struggle all our lives with impaired self-esteem and even the resulting depression.
But we can change and build healthy self-esteem.
This takes attentive listening, quiet time, and commitment.
Its difficult to get outside our own thoughts and beliefs to see ourselves from another perspective.
Therapy can help us change how we think, act, and what we believe.
Many times, one partner in individual therapy makes positive changes, and the relationship changes for the better.
Cognitive behavioral therapy has been shown to raise self-esteem.
Its more powerful when combined with meditation that increases self-awareness.
Some things you could do:
Recognize the Signs.Be able to spot clues that your self-esteem needs uplifting.
Many people think they have good self-esteem.
They may be talented, beautiful, or successful, but still lack self-esteem.
Identify Cognitive Distortions.Impaired self-esteem can cause us to skew and distort reality.
Learn to identify and challenge yourcognitive distortions.
