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Updated 5 months ago,November 18, 2024
Lets talk about men going hot and cold.
Is there anything more unsettling and frustrating?
You try not to worry too much, but you cant help but wonder what you may have done.
Elliott Dunning
But then hes back like nothing ever happened.
And just when youre getting comfortable, he disappears again.
Or he shuts down.
You have no idea where he stands.
Is he into you or not?
Some days it seems like he definitely is, other days he acts like youre some sort of nuisance.
You may give a shot to talk to him about it, but that effectively gets you nowhere.
He either acts like he has no idea what youre talking about or gives you some vague excuse.
So lets dive in and look at the real reasons some menrun hot and cold.
But He Was So Into Me At First, Why Did He Switch?
Most men dont go hot and cold intentionally.
Its not a game or a grand manipulation.
Most of the time, hot and cold behavior manifests from unconscious feelings.
Here is what usually happens in these hot and cold situations.
Its usually not a case of him being hot and cold at all!
In the beginning, he starts off red hot.
He brings his A-game and really steps up to win her over.
Hes sweet, hes attentive, he texts constantly, he is just so present and so there.
Then things get a little more settled and it appears like his interest is waning.
He isnt texting as much, other things have replaced you on the priority list.
You wonder why hes suddenly being so cold.
The only thing you might think of is that hes losing interest.
And if you really like this guy, this will send you into a panic.
You will go into overdrive trying to rectify the situation before its too late and hes gone forever.
Sadly, your attempts to fix things will actually end up creating a problem when there wasnt one.
People have work and school and other obligations.
In the beginning, he does it because he really wants to win you over.
Once hes won you, then he can be more himself.
That is essentially the switch women feel.
The one that appears like hes gone from hot to cold.
Its the transition from him pursuing you to settling in and justbeing with you.
Something outside of the relationship is bothering him.
Sometimes he has stuff going on in his life thats taking his attention away from the relationship.
This is usually the number one reason a man will pull away or withdraw from a relationship.
Men deal with stress and difficulties differently than most women.
The best thing you might do is just do nothing.
Give him the space he needs and just focus on your own life.
But only if you respect his need for space!
This is a huge mistake most women make.
He wants to slow things down.
Once hes won you over, hell pull back a little to slow things down.
The beginning of a relationship isnt real.
Its all potential and chemistry and flirty banter.
The real part comes a little later and thats what lays the foundation for having ahealthy, lasting relationship.
He just doesnt like you enough.
No one wants this to be the truth.
Its our worst-case scenario and unfortunately, sometimes its just the reality.
He just doesnt know how he feels about you.
At the root of his hot and cold behavior is a whopping dose of uncertainty.
There are days when he thinks, Wow, shes really cool!
Maybe she is something I can settle down with…
But other days he just isnt sure.
Hes not sure if he likes certain aspects of your personality.
Hes not sure your values align.
Hes attracted to you, but hes not sure if hesthatattracted to you.
He likes the idea of you, he just doesnt know if he likesyou.
What Should You Do When a Guy is Running Hot and Cold?
Your guy has been playing the hot and cold game.
Youre afraid of losing him and dont know what to do next.
It will most likely be due to one of the three reasons listed above.
No matter what the reason, the worst possible thing to do is chase after him.
This instinct is activated by fear and will come across asdesperate and needy.
It makes sense that youre hurt and confused by his sudden cold shift.
But reacting this way will just make him want to run farther and faster, sodont do it.
Another mistake is to retaliate and act cold toward him.
It just means hes easing into a more normal and natural routine, and thats a good thing!
Just go with it.
These fears will cause a problem when there wasnt one to begin with.
If hes not that into you … well, its better to know now.
You wont be able to change his mind.
If hes just not feeling it, then you cant convince him otherwise.
When a guy likes you, its obvious.
In this case, the best thing you could do is move on.
There is no point in degrading yourself trying to win him over and get him to like you.
Just accept that not everyone is a match and thats OK.
It doesnt make you bad or flawed or unworthy or love.
It just means you and him werent the right fit.
Instead of seeing this as a loss, see it as a win.
Youre now free to find someone who is better suited for you!
In Summary…
Here are the real reasons a man runs hot and cold:
