I had an epiphany about my marriage.
And it came in the form of a houseplant.
We met in college and grew into adulthood together.
Drew Beamer
We bought homes together and have an incredible 12-year-old daughter.
Weve endured the loss of pets together, as well as family members.
We went through countless jobs together, including my shift to freelance writing.
We had debt together.
We paid off student loans and credit cards together.
We were partners in every sense of the word.
In 2006, we decided to add some life to our house in San Diego.
So we bought a houseplant.
Every week, the soil dried out and it was in desperate need of water.
We took turns doing this.
I noticed and gave it water, and Bryan would also notice and make time to feed it.
The plant lived in our master bathroom and we tended to its needs on a regular basis.
Over the years, I noticed I became the primary caretaker of the plant.
I felt bad if I let it go too long with dry soil.
After all, the plant was fighting to live, and I had to help it survive.
The plant couldnt go in the moving truck, but I wasnt prepared to abandon it, either.
So I took it inside my Honda CR-V for the four-day, 2,000-mile drive across the country.
Over the next two years, I was the only one paying attention to the plant.
But he never repotted that plant or gave it water.
He never took any action to help it grow.
He just let it stay stagnant and wither.
We ended up wanting different things out of life.
We talked less and less.
Thats when I realized that plants journey was a metaphor for my marriage and what it had become.
Like my marriage, the plant was withering away and I was the only one nurturing it.
Five months later, I told Bryan I wanted a divorce.
When my ex-husband moved out of our home, he took the plant with him.
In a strange way, I was devastated.
I had been nurturing that plant and keeping it alive for 13 years.
And then one day, it was gone.
I needed to move on and let it have a different life.
Just like the two people in our marriage, my ex-husband and I needed to move on.
Just like my marriage, the plant served its purpose for a long time.
It helped me grow, just as much as I helped it.
After hanging up a few wall decorations, I had an overwhelming urge to buy an indoor plant.
