I do not remember a time in my life without it.
AD is a part of you as a whole it is much more than skin deep.
I have moderate to severe AD that has ranged from covering 5-90% of my body.
Ive scratched myself with scissors, brushes and utensils.
Ive bled through clothes and sheets from scratching.
Clothes have stuck and ripped skin from oozy patches or scabs.
Ive dealt with skin infections throughout my life, both fungal and bacterial.
My face has been so swollen and raw that I couldnt open my eyes.
It has been truly horrendous at times.
There is a glaring absence when it comes to considering the other ways AD can affect quality of life.
AD influences how you develop as a person.
It becomes ingrained in every aspect of your life, intentionally or not.
It takes part in shaping your identity.
At a very young age, I became aware of my otherness based on my appearance.
People treated me differently.
Little children are sometimes unknowingly cruel and I dealt with stares, questions and outright exclamations of Ew!
As a teenager, I had peers call me a leper.
Adults have asked me if I am contagious.
Ive heard jokes that I must have a tic or be on drugs because of how incessantly I scratch.
It is very difficult to cope with the knowledge that your appearance disgusts some people.
Naturally I developed into an incredibly self conscious individual.
After twenty seven years, struggle with how hypercritical I am of my appearance.
Because of my abysmal self-esteem, AD has of course affected my love life.
When I wake up, unlike most people, I dont just deal with the possibility of morning breath.
I am usually flaky and crusty first thing in the morning.
At what point do you trust a partner to look beyond those things?
When I look in the mirror during a flare, I struggle to see beyond it.
I dont recognize myself sometimes.
I am deeply grateful for the good days.
I wont say that a positive attitude fixes everything because it certainly does not, but it helps.
I dont hide my flaring skin in the house anymore because Im tired of hiding.
I can manage it, but it is a chronic illness.
No matter what I do, Im going to flare again at some point in my life.
My best advice is to make a run at accept that you dont have normal skin.
This is not to say that you should give up your fight.
Fight like hell and try whatever piques your interest to heal.
You may win some battles but you will never end the war.
You may as well live your life as you fight.
Enjoy them now, despite your patches.
