It was my best friend and my worst enemy.
By
Updated 5 years ago,September 13, 2020
It was my best friend and my worst enemy.
It gave me confidence and overwhelming anxiety.
Photo byThought CatalogonUnsplash
It helped create so many fun and exciting memories, as well as so many dark and shameful ones.
I met new friends because of it and watched relationships end because of it.
I was in a torturous middle zone.
It meant grieving the death of an old life that would never know again.
To be honest, I wasnt even sure I could.
After all, this wasnt just a Dry July or Sober October cleanse.
This was a forever thing.
A no-looking-back, all-in, full-force, complete 180-degree change.
Alcohol was my social crutch.
Its what I clung to in big or small gatherings of people.
I had convinced myself that it made me outgoing, funny, attractive, bubbly, and all-around likeable.
Who even was I without alcohol?
What was my life going to be like without it?
Would I lose friends?
Would I be boring?
Would my boyfriend still want me?
Would I have to miss out on everything?
I felt scared, sad, angry, and alone.
But I just kept putting one foot in front of the other, going one day at a time.
Or at least, I really, really hoped He wouldnt.
Fast forward to today, and I have continued to make this same decision each and every day.
And wow, am I forever grateful.
Ive watched as my world has blossomed back to life.
I no longer wake up with hangovers and crippling shame.
I no longer say or do things I dont even remember.
I no longer mask my true emotions by covering them up with alcohol.
I no longer rely on a liquid substance to give me confidence.
I no longer am a prisoner inside my own body.
Not every day of sobriety has been easythere are definitely hard days.
Days where I wish I could just fit in and be like everyone else.
Days where I collapse to the floor sobbing.
Days where Im uncertain of when Ill be completely healed from my painful breakup with alcohol.
Days where I feel so alone in this fight.
But every journey of growth and transformation has its valleys.
And I just remind myself that this is okay, this is part of the beautiful process.
I walked away from my relationship with alcohol and started a new one with myself.
One of love and forgiveness and grace and compassion.
One that I will continue fostering every day for the rest of my life.
I am so proud of you.
Keep letting your light shine.
