What has changed, is me.
What changed, is me finally putting myself first.
What changed, is me deciding that I am worth it.
Becca Tapert
I didnt really feel anything at all except dread.
I hated the unknown.
And graduation day was exactly the start of that.
A piece of paper that essentially meant nothing?
I majored in creative writing.
I have no plan, lady.
Becca Tapert
For half a year I worked retail in the downtown area of D.C. At lunch, I sat alone with nothing but my turkey sandwich and my tears to keep me company.
I was miserable and spent that half hour always googling post graduation blues.
I definitely, definitely had them.
I didnt want to work retail.
I felt so isolated from my peers, and I felt beneath everyone and everything.
I took the metro feeling fancy AF (lololol).
It was sure to be a breeze, right?
Cue five months later and I was miserable.
Even more miserable than working that retail job.
At 23, I worked my ass off and got nothing in return.
And when I made mistakes all hell broke loose in the office.
I ran, I never walked.
I sprinted to the copy machine making sure every client got what they needed.
I answered every damn phone call.
I was running on caffeine, and nothing else.
And then I snapped.
I ended up in the ER with a panic attack that lasted five hours.
That was the last straw.
I put in my two weeks and I was done.
13 days into being 25, Im now worlds away from being that anxious and sad 22 year old.
I bet youre wondering,well, what changed?
I decided to stop being scared of the what ifs.
I decided to start doing what I wanted, no matter what society deemed acceptable or not.
The career I wanted in writing?
I went for it.
I didnt give up.
I kept at it until I landed an internship.
And then I kept at it for another ten months, until I landed a writer position.
It wasnt all butterflies and smiles.
I still suffered from anxiety, as I still do now.
But what changed was my acceptance of failure.
Before, I tried so hard to be what everyone wanted me to be.
Before, I tried so hard to be the image of perfection.
Now, I make mistakes and I try harder.
Now, I fail, and I dont beat myself up.
Now, if Im feeling overwhelmed, I take a mental health.
I speak up when Im feeling lost or scared.
What has changed, is me.
What changed, is me finally putting myself first.
What changed, is me deciding that I am worth it.
That I deserve a happy life and a career that I adore.
What changed, is the mindset of believing in myself again.
