“I won’t exist one day, and there’s nothing I can do about it.”
Too much, probably, for a healthy 25-year-old born into a stable, safe first-world country.
As you may have guessed, I dont believe in life after death.
@msmorganryan
I want to probably more than Ive ever wanted anything but I just cant.
Whats more, in many ways life after death scares me just as much as the alternative.
No matter how I look at it, death is fucking terrifying.
If theres a heaven, then that means after we die we go there and spend AN ETERNITY there.
My mind cant even begin to comprehend that quantity of time.
What is there to look forward to?
@msmorganryan
What is there to be motivated by?
Is there growth, or just endless existence?
Would I also forget my personality, my passions, my hopes and dreams?
Would I fully lose myself so you can become a brand new person?
And if so, how many times have I done that already, over the course of human existence?
How many lives and loved ones just as real and important as the present ones have I forgotten?
For me, the thought is as terrifying as it is heartbreaking.
I want to be ME, today, tomorrow, and always.
And what if there is simply nothing?
Ill never exist again.
I wont travel into some infinite black nothingness; I simply wont be.
I wont ever think, wonder, feel, love, or exist ever again.
Ill just be a dead organism, and if Im lucky, a memory.
My one chance at conscious existence will be done…forever.
For eternity, for infinity.
Trillions of years will pass, and my chance of returning to consciousness wont be any greater.
All of these options scare me beyond description.
But more than that, its heartbreaking.
Were all powerless against time, mortality, and death.
To have been born into a body that grants me nearly infinite privileges.
To know what it means to feel happiness, hope, inspiration, love, gratitude, and peace.
To know what it means to feel at all.
Im glad to know what its like to love and be loved.
Its one of the core things that all human beings all biological beings, actually have in common.
We will all die, just as we were all born.
My experience, my terror, my reluctance for it to all be over its not unique to me.
I share it with every human that will ever exist.
We all share mortality; we all share temporary existence.
Everything I do, I do with that knowledge in mind.
So, happy it is.
Its cliche, but its true our time on earth is a blessing and a gift.
It deserves to be savored and cherished and appreciated.
I love being alive.
But I cant know.
Its the greatest mystery of all time.
But I do know this.
I experienced it for approximately 13.7 billion years before I was born.
But none of that is for me to decide or worry about.
