Narcissists can be charming, charismatic, seductive, exciting, and engaging.
you could fall in love with their charming side and be destroyed by their dark side.
It can be baffling, but it all makes sense when you understand what drives them.
Fabien Vilrus
That awareness protects you from their games, lies, and manipulation.
Narcissists have an impaired or undeveloped self.
They think and function differently from other people.
Remember that the severity of narcissism varies.
Some people have moresymptomswith greater intensity, while other narcissists have fewer, milder symptoms.
The following discussion thus may not apply to all narcissists to the same degree.
Narcissistic Vulnerability
Despite having seemingly strong personalities, narcissists are actually very vulnerable.
Psychotherapists consider them to be fragile.
They suffer from profound alienation, emptiness, powerlessness, and lack of meaning.
Their defense system, discussed below, protects them, but hurts other people.
When they feel most insecure, theyre more malicious and the impact of their actions is irrelevant.
Narcissistic Shame
Underneath their facade istoxic shame, which may be unconscious.
Shame makes narcissists feel insecure and inadequatevulnerable feelings that they must deny to themselves and others.
Instead, they demand unconditional, positive regard from others.
Arrogance
To compensate for feeling inferior, they maintain an attitude of superiority.
Like bullies, they put down others to raise themselves up.
Grandiosity
Their hidden shame accounts for their braggadocio and self-aggrandizement.
Being with the best convinces them theyre better than others, while internally, theyre not so sure.
Entitlement
Narcissists feel entitled to get what they want from others regardless of their behavior.
Their sense of entitlement masks their inner shame and insecurity.
They convince themselves that theyre superior and it follows that they deserve special treatment.
There is no limit on what they might expect from others.
They dont recognize their behavior as hypocritical, because they feel superior and special.
Rules for other people dont apply to them.
Lack of Empathy
Narcissists ability to respond emotionally and express appropriate care and concern is significantly impaired.
(APA, 2013) Research shows that they have structural abnormalities in brain regions associated with emotional empathy.
Real love requires empathy, compassion, and deep knowledge of the one we care for.
We show active concern for that persons life and growth.
We give a shot to understand their experience and world view though it may differ from ours.
To them relationships are transactional.
Theyre known for their game-playing.
Sacrificing for a loved one isnt in their playbook.
Their undeveloped self and deficient inner resources require them to be dependent on others for validation.
Rather than confidence, they actually fear that theyre undesirable.
They can only admire themselves as reflected in the eyes of others.
Hence, despite their boasting and self-flattery, they crave attention and constant admiration.
They use relationships for self-enhancement and for their narcissistic supply.
However, due to their inner emptiness, theyre never satisfied.
Whatever you do for them is never enough to fill their emptiness.
Like vampires who are dead inside, narcissists exploit and drain those around them.
At first, he didnt realize that it was himself.
This metaphorically describes narcissists.
Narcissists inner emptiness, shame, and undeveloped self make them uncertain of their boundaries.
Other people only exist to meet their needs.
This explains why narcissists are selfish and oblivious to their impact on others, even when theyre cruel.
Common defenses they use are arrogance and contempt, denial, projection, aggression, and envy.
It also shifts shame by projecting inferiority onto others.
Blame shifts responsibility, so the narcissist is blameless.
This defense serves the same function as denial.
Those traits are projected onto someone else or a group of people instead.
You become the one who is selfish, weak, unlovable, or worthless.
Projection is very crazy-making and damaging to the self-esteem of people close to a narcissist, especially children.
Aggression:Aggression is used to create safety by pushing people away.
Envy:Narcissists must be the best.
They cant take pleasure in someone elses success.
If someone else has what they want, it makes them feel inferior.
Life is a zero-sum game.
Narcissists are often envious and competitive with their children.
