Focusing on him doesnt put good energy towards him, towards the us.
You get bogged down in objectifying him which boomerangs back.
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Updated 7 years ago,November 6, 2017
Interesting, isnt it?
Sam Manns
You fall in love.
You experience breath-quickening heart palpitations from looking into his eyes for one minute.
Yet those kind of heart palpitations are intolerable.
You book a doctors appointment to find relief.
The doctor finds nothing wrong and inquires if youve been under stress.
You think, Uh yeah the uncooperative boyfriend.
Sam Manns
I need to spend more time with him.
You retract that of course.
You dont want to blame him, so it all gets turned inward on you by you.
You blame your monkey brain, your lusting hormones, and the lack of quality men to date.
Finally heres a guy to invest time inyou think.
Yet, the slow march towards agony, over a guy you want more of, is all consuming.
You dont have the right goal to focus on during dating-getting-to-know-each-other.
If you had the true goal locked in, his pheromones wouldnt derail you into needing another hit.
Nor would his flirty text captivate your attention for the following hour or more.
And you wouldnt squish up your bed pillow in late night agony longing for a fix of him.
Because you dont like feeling tormented over a guy you want, whereas lust is wanting sex.
You wantallof the guy: his time, attention, proximity, touch, companionship.
And thats the problem.
Thats why youre losing your mind.
Wanting him is an objectification of him.
I know that you would say, Well, duh.
I mean, I want him, to have a relationshipwith.
But theres an enormous difference, and its not mincing words.
You lost the true goal.
The correct goal to remain focused on in courtship is, (drum roll)a great relationship.
If you focus on a him, theres your problem.
You cant fire up the Sears catalog and order a him.
Hes not an object to be had, caught, controlled, prodded, pleaded with, or cajoled.
If you focus on him, no oft repeated Law of Attraction affirmation will ever bring him near.
Hes his own human.
He doesnt want imprisonment; he wants to relate.
Great guys pick up thisneedingof him.
Needing at any cost, including the biggest cost: your sanity.
Once you lose your sanity, that vibe pushes him away.
He does that Broadway winning backup dance choreographed with plenty of sung excuses.
And this weekend the mother needs my help.
Cant be a jerk!
Guys are pretty smooth at this distancing strategy.
He doesnt want to set off your alarms.
You usually only know he distanced from the perspective of time.
Really, who would blame a guy in these circumstances?
Your intuition picks up that he may be gone before a couples time.
And here come more urgency-filled thoughts to acquire, I mean,strategize,him to you.
Rejection fuels behavior that wont let go.
Modern day women complain that men objectify them.
Of course, without seeing how their actions garner the same outcome.
Alrighty, you get my point.
Focusing on him doesnt put good energy towards him, towards the us.
You get bogged down in objectifying him which boomerangs back.
Youll objectify yourself to win him.
Better hair, outfits, perfume, mani/pedi/wax, and extra gym sessions.
None of those are bad.
The call-out here is doing them to objectify yourself to win him/be perfect enough for him to pick you.
And that is the goal ofhimagain.
Him as a goal of acquirement steps up urgency and desperation vibes in you which he picks up.
Theyre not becoming qualities for you period, let alone in the context of an upstart couple.
Law of Romance has you focus first on the greatness of you.
Your uniqueness attracted him in the first place.
Next, to not lose your mind in love, your focus must remain on the evolvement of therelationship.
Do that, focus on the budding relationship and not him.
You remain super cool and cool has an attraction all its own.
Its bandied about that men like cool girls.
Cool gets misinterpreted by women as aloof, hard to get.
But cool is confident and comfortable in your skin, radiating attractiveness to a guy.
After all, there are many pit stops along the way to see if the journey can continue.
What better place to be?
But focus ongetting him, you become louder and more demanding in your pursuit.
You tossed relationship reflection off a cliff.
What guy would want that?
Not a great guy, which Im sure is the only one youd have your eye on, right?
This singular focus to get him is like being in a foreign country, butchering their language.
You want to be understood so your staccato sentences growlouder.
However, in relating, intensity is not a fast lane to anothers heart.
When you loveyou,it draws him in.
He wants to join that vibe.
Nobody talks much about this, so if its your first time hearing it, recalibrate and go forth.
All will be well.
Hell appreciate the new dynamic.
Youll appreciate having your mind in love.
Romance, inside of a great developing relationship, is the journey worth walking.
