How will this affect my day-to-day life?
Will I have to take medication forever?
Our pre-teen years are pivotal in our development of self confidence.
We crave attention and acceptance, wanting nothing more than to fit in.
I spent the next few years in denial.
It wasnt until I noticed the behavior of the people around me shifting that reality began to sink in.
Rumors also started circulating amongst my peers.
One got so out of hand that my parents had to get the school board involved.
It was an incredibly embarrassing ordeal.
However, despite my best efforts, my health began to further deteriorate.
Standing at 5 feet tall I weighed just slightly over 70 pounds.
I was noticeably smaller than other children my age and it made me feel different and defective.
Within a month of beginning school I started developing new symptoms.
Even though I was barely eating, I constantly felt full.
My abdomen was hard and distended and I stopped having regular bowel movements.
It was finally decided that I needed to take a trip to the ER.
But instead of being met with kindness or concern, I was met with irritation and disinterest.
I was a wrench thrown into their otherwise slow night.
Tests were performed and they concluded that I was constipated.
I was given an oral laxative and sent on my way.
Thats when they informed me that I had been living for weeks with a stricture and was completely obstructed.
I was immediately admitted and talks of surgery began.
I would need a partial bowel resection with the possible placement of a stoma/ostomy.
The first thing I did upon waking from surgery was feel my stomach.
I can vividly remember the feeling of the soft, crinkly plastic underneath my fingertips.
Signaling my brain that my worst fear came to fruition.
I burst into tears and sobbed uncontrollably, I felt like my life was over.
There were a lot of things that happened during the remainder of my teen years.
I found out that my ostomy, which was originally intended to be temporary, would become permanent.
Old treatments failed, new treatments were started, and eventually more surgeries were performed.
I was angry and depressed.Why me?Why couldnt I be normal like everyone else?
My outlook on life started to shift in my twenties.
I know it probably sounds weird to say social media changed my life, but it did.
With their encouragement and support I was finally able to begin repairing my damaged relationship with myself.
Looking back, I now know that none of the things I experienced were worthy of ridicule.
Yes, I have Crohns Disease.
Yes, I have a permanent ileostomy.
But that doesnt take away from my value as a person.
If anything I think its helped me have more empathy and understanding of others.
If I could give one piece of advice to anyone struggling to cope with their illness its this.
Find a community, be vulnerable and let others in.
You cant and shouldnt do this alone.
