You are worthy of making new friends.
So yo remind yourself that you are NOT alone, youre just far away.
I know, I know.
Twenty20 / @Aldona_P
From there, we were told to invite friends over for snacks and playtime and sleepovers.
And even if we did, life still has a way of pulling people apart.
I personally didnt have enough time.
I got four years with my high school friends while they had all been friends since the second grade.
And while I had a blast in high school and definitely enjoyed myself I could never compete.
In fact, this has been the theme of my life.
Twenty20 / @Aldona_P
Moving states a couples of times didnt cement the childhood friendships a lot of people talk about.
And thus, the pattern continued.
Let me tell you these moves are not conducive to consistent relationships.
Distance can be a slow poison for friendships.
Which leaves us here.
I get emails almost every day about this.
So I can fully promise you that you arent alone.
Im dealing with it, and pretty much every other girl within theBlushcommunity has, too.
This has been a huge struggle for me (and still is).
But you know what?
Someone has to talk about it.
And that doesnt mean youre a loser.
Nowadays, it means youre normal.
So lets talk about some tips on how to make adult female friends.
Heres whats worked for me and my clients so far:
I know, this seems counterintuitive.
The whole point of this blog is to make NEW friends, not keep up with OLD friends.
Thanks for nothing, Kali.
Yes, yesI knowwwww.
But hear me out.
You need these happy memories and words of affirmation to keep you afloat.
Old friends can provide that.
If youve readmy book, I talk a lot about Finding Your Caroline and what all of that entails.
I firmly believe in the importance of having that one anchored friend who is your ride or die.
But as you know, mine happens to live in San Antonio, about 2,000 miles away from me.
So I have no choice but to find new friends if I want weekend plans from time to time.
Its been invaluable to say the least!
The focus here is to emphasize to yourself that you have a lot to offer to other people.
You are worthy of making new friends.
So c’mon remind yourself that you are NOT alone, youre just far away.
Friends scatter across the country all the time and thats part of life.
But hang onto one or two of them to keep your friendship confidence at a healthy level.
Personally, I have found this to be one of the best ways to create new female friendships.
The epitome of laziness (and efficiency!).
And what better way than to ask people you already trust?
When I moved to Los Angeles, I seriously almostonlyknew guys.
Story of my life.
Ive always had an affinity for male friendships.
And lo and behold, they did.
So he set us up because shes kewl.
I met my friend Nikki because she also works at my boyfriends work.
He met her, decided she was too kewl for him, and gave her to me.
I took them both because Im greedy and theyre kewl.
Sense a pattern here?
None of these friendships were created because I went to a networking event alone and put myself out there.
Instead they were all curated for me because I got over my pride and asked people for friends.
These girls are gems.
The best luck you are going to have making friendships as an adult is through MUTUAL FRIENDS.
Its your key to everything.
They went to the same school.
They worked at the same place.
They were in the same club.
They lived in the same neighborhood.
More than likely, theres an alum group for your university wherever you are.
Maybe you joined clubs in high school or college and theres a similar one in your area.
These dont have to be super close friends.
In fact, sometimes this might feel like a huge stretch.
But its worked really well for me, and I think its worth a shot.
Even people I hadnt spoken to in years.
I found that proposition to be very uncomfortable, but decided he was right so I did it anyway.
Not going to lie, the response rate was not stellar.
Still waiting on a few to get back to me three years later, actually.
But regardless, it doesnt even matter.
Because one girl did respond.
Allegra (isnt that name bomb?)
has been a constant source of support, knowledge, laughs, and companionship ever since I arrived here.
Now we dont really even talk about our sorority or college life.
Weve evolved past it.
But we definitely needed it in the beginning to strengthen our friendship sea legs.
So whenever you might, think about the loose connections you may have running around the town.
Thats ok. Just dont feel ashamed for even considering it (isnt there anyone else???).
Thats where the gems are.
If youre really feeling uneasy, loop in a mutual friend to coordinate a re-introduction.
Just whatever you do, dont ignore those connections.
Its definitely the introvert in me, and it might even be my age.
Focus on the theme of the event and you will most likely have a higher success rate.
B)Bring a friend if you might.
Showing up alone can be so intimidating and it might suck the fun out of it.
C)Its all in the followup.
If you meet someone cool at the event, exchange numbers right then and there.
Shoot a Hi its Kali by my friend!
text (my actual signature move) and follow up the next day to get something on the calendar.
Momentum is KEY to establishing friendships and you dont want one or both of you to drop the ball.
Suck it up and kill the deal!
And last but not least, like remember you are not in this alone.
We are all craving connection, and there simply cant be too much of it.
So remind yourself again that you have plenty to offer, and go have some fun.
