That’s the thing about anxiety.
you could’t wish it away or pray it away or drink it away.
you’re able to’t disconnect.
Nine Köpfer
you’ve got the option to’t just.
By
Updated 7 years ago,September 14, 2018
The mind is a funny thing.
And I know, youre not supposed to worry when youre lounging by the ocean.
You arent supposed to have a care in the world.
But you cant re-wire your brain.
You cant take 100 mg of an anti-anxiety med and expect it to cure you.
Nine Köpfer
You cant stop your wheels from turning or stop your heart from racing.
You cant just always calm down or chill or relax.
At least I cant.
I dont know how to fully let go of anything.
I dont know how to just be empty.
To just be free of this.
Im still learning to accept that my brain is different.
I run from people that arent even dangerous.
I run from good.
From the yellow and the sky blues.
I see the worst in every situation, even if its a healthy one.
I see the death and the decay and the hurt.
Even if its something small and mundane.
Even if its nothing.
Im here on vacation in a beautiful beach house with beautiful people.
Im here and Im not supposed to feel like I cant breathe.
Im not supposed to feel like Im losing control in my life and my work and myself.
But thats the thing about anxiety.
You cant wish it away or pray it away or drink it away.
I worry when I drive my parents car in fear of a crash.
I worry when I send someone a text and never get a reply.
I worry on the beach about work and how I feel like Im behind.
I worry Im not working enough.
My skin is tan and my smile is bright.
I want to scream and shout and have someone to tell me Im okay.
To just say Ill be okay.
I dont know how to accept this.
That this is my life.
That even in the sunshine, my mind is full of thunder.
I dont know how to be okay with not being okay.
So I guess for now, I will breathe.
I guess for now, Ill take a moment just to be alive.
And keep on walking even when my mind turns into a hurricane.
