I know how alone and isolating the experience can be.
It feels like the pain is yours and yours alone and no one could possibly understand.
What I did was obsess and replay everything that happened and what I wish I had done differently.
Kinga Cichewicz
Then I would get lost in an endless array of distractions.
Dont be like me!
They say time heals, and in some ways this is true, but ittakes more than time.
Lets talk about how to do that.
You have to accept reality as it is right now.
Thats not what most people do after a breakup.
They either get stuck in the past and how great everything used to be.
They think about the fun times, the happy memories.
They desperately yearn for this fantasy future.
Get out of the past and get out of the future, be in the present.
Be in theright now.
You cant go back to the past, you cant force a future, justbewith whatis.
Right now you and he are not together and that most likely wont change anytime soon.
Accept it and embrace it.
Also,do not contact him.
Theno-contact ruleis essential after a breakup.
Accept that this is your reality- and hes not in it.
Dont take it personally.
You dont even entertain the idea that he could just be busy.
And hey realize,its not because you werent enough.
Sometimes the timing just isnt right and sometimes two people just arent a match.
It isnt because you werent enough.
Everyone has different things they want and need in a partner.
This can be the hard part, but it has to be done.
Whatever it is youre feeling,feel it.
Dont bury it, dont hide from it, dont ignore it.
Feel the awful, brutal feelings.
Mourn the loss, because a breakup is a loss.
Its the loss of potential, the loss of what could have been.
But things didnt pan out the way you had hoped and it’s crucial that you accept that.
A breakup can almost feel like a death.
This person was once a major part of your life and now theyre just gone.
Give yourself time to grieve and be kind andgentleto yourself.
Dont get mad at yourself for feeling what youre feeling; accept it as a part of the process.
But dont let this drag on for too long.
Life must go on and youll never move forward if you keep mourning this loss.
Write him a letter you dont send.
As brutal as breakups are, they are a great time to do some reflection and inner work.
The way to grow is to learn the lessons and attempt to repair andheal.
Here are a few good questions to ask yourself:
6.
Separate the need from the person.
Anytime you catch yourself thinking of him or missing him, ask yourself: What do I miss?
Maybe you miss the connection you shared.
Ok… now youre going to separate him from the need.
The problem is a lot of us attach a need to a person.
But that isnt true.
Get excited about your nextrelationship.
Think about how amazing it will be to start fresh with someone new.
He exists; hes out there.
Picture how it feels, how he treats you, how he looks at you.
Feel it as if its happening right now.
And get excited for whats ahead.
I promise you wont always feel the way you feel right now.
Just keep going and growing and trust that everything will work out as it is meant to.
