What is there to gain from heartbreak?
But this is just a temporary thing.
Chances are, you will spend the rest of your life with someone whom you are happily coupled.
Brooke Davis
You are not meant to be stuck in this back and forth.
You are not designed to forge a beautiful connection with someone and then have it severed.
You are not supposed to build foundations and then have someone crack them in half.
You have yet to see what youre going to gain.
As it turns out, a lot.
Right now, life is offering you a second chance.
Your life partner is someone who shapes you irrevocably.
Not that you feel that way right now.
The earth shifts when our hearts break.
When we are forced out of comfort, we transform.
Do you know what you’re able to do when your energy is wholly your own?
you might take a trip to St. Tropez and sit on the beach alone.
you’re able to become exactly who you want and are meant to be.
You have the rest of your life to be in love.
You have right now to change yourself.
Youre mourning the loss of an idea.
In that, you are giving yourself that feeling again.
Before you were in this relationship, did you know where your life was going?
Were you feeling lost in your career, stressed about money, or tense about your family?
If you are anxious about the future, you better be the one to make a plan.
If you dont know who you are, it’s crucial that you do some soul-searching.
If you feel unfulfilled, you should probably work somewhere new.
If you feel stressed, you should probably manage your time, money or relationships better.
Youre not going to forget about this person.
Youre going to have to get distracted.
The city is already collapsed.
You will have to start offering your energy not to whats passed, but to whats to come.
Forgetting about someone is impossible.
The more you try not to think about them, the more you will.
The normal that you once knew is gone.
It will be impossible to not think of them and mourn for them constantly.
You will sit in the room you used to sit in together and cry.
Youll visit the store you use to shop in together and feel defeated.
you gotta get up, you gotta start over, and you gotta begin anew.
You need new places, people, and routines.
You need new adventures and goals and plans.
Not because youre trying to, but because you have so many other things to think about now.
As time goes on, youll think about that person less and less and less.
That, right there, is the magic of heartbreak: it forces you to be a different person.
Unless you want to mourn forever, you have to change.
And if you do it right, youll work on becoming the person you always wanted to be.
Its not obvious that you should or shouldnt be with this person.
For every issue that you have, you could list off all of their redeeming qualities.
The opposite of knowing someone is right for you isnt being sure someone is wrong for you.
The opposite of knowing someone is right for you is being uncertain.
When someone is clearly and overwhelmingly wrong for you, your relationship wont get that far.
You wont be able to develop and foster any kind of significant connection.
Youd realize that you are fundamentally incompatible long before you could form any kind of attachment.
This is not how heartbreak happens.
It is not the product of being mismatched with someone who is fundamentally wrong.
Realizing that someone is wrong for you happens in tiny gestures.
Its thinking to yourself in quiet moments, But what if theres something else?
Its daydreaming about the possibilities that life could hold if you werent with that person.
Heartbreak doesnt happen with people who are wholly wrong for you.
You arent able to get close enough to let it hurt.
The truth is that nobody is looking for anything serious until someone comes along who they seriously love.
It is never the right time until it is the right person.
The opposite of just knowing someone is right for you isnt just knowing they are wrong for you.
Being very uncertain means you know the answer… you are just too attached to admit it.
How do you let go when you cant stop thinking about someone?
Theyll tell you to go out drinking, start dating, and revel in your newfound freedom.
This will be annoying at best, and absolutely maddening at worst.
The future as you thought it would be has changed.
The present as youre used to it has, too.
You do not need anymore uncertainties right now.
You have, essentially, already let go.
People feel uncertainty because its the unknown.
Uncertainty is a breeding ground for lifes greatest moments and most epic possibilities.
People who are willing to brave that tension are the ones who truly free themselves.
4.Switch up your routine.
When you go through a breakup, your whole life changes… thats the magic of it.
5.Dont do anything permanent.
Dont do anything you cannot undo in a matter of days.
6.The sooner you might give a shot to start casually dating again, the better.
No, its not fair to enter a new relationship hung up on someone else.
7.Write down everything that you wanted and needed this person to be for you.
Those are all issues that you better work on mending for yourself.
A relationship is not a bandaid.
Treating it like one is what landed you with the wrong person in the first place.
Maybe it didnt end well.
Maybe you actually were a victim.
Maybe it wasnt fair.
Maybe they promised you forever and then took it back.
Maybe they were not the person you thought they were.
It sucks, but it happens to everyone.
The longer you hold a torch of anger for them, the longer you give them power over you.
9.The only thing you are losing is one idea you had about what your future might have been.
But whats even more significant to help you through this time of transition is future self work.
Future self work is a process of visualizing yourself many years down the line.
Close your eyes and visualize the highest and best version of your future self.
It doesnt matter what age you are.
The reality is that you already are that best version of yourself.
Everything thats happening around you right now is helping you to realize that once and for all.
