How they discuss their last breakup can be a window of insight into their readiness to invest in you.
By
Updated 6 years ago,August 19, 2019
After what seems like an exhaustive search for Mr.
Right, you finally meet a man who satisfies all of your criteria for a healthy functioning relationship.
Brooke Cagle
Fast forward to a couple of weeks later when you start to notice a change in his behavior.
He slowly begins to unveil a side of him you never thought existed.
He becomes cold, distant, uninterested.
In a word: different.
It is like he has been replaced with someone you dont even recognize.
You begin to ask, Why?
But what you failed to see was the relational trauma buried deep underneath his seductive veneer.
The inordinate use of humor to deflect from exploring emotionally-charged issues.
You didnt pay any attention to these things because you thought everything was okay.
You were lulled into a false sense of security and didnt question anything.
When discussing their last relationship, how do they talk about their ex?
Do they demean, disparage, and berate their former flame?
Do they get defensive or protective when discussing their ex?
Do they take ownership of their role in the breakup?
Do they accentuate their victimhood?
How they discuss their last breakup can be a window of insight into their readiness to invest in you.
Do they tend to pull away during emotionally-charged discussions?
Do they shy away from intimate displays of affection (i.e.
hand holding, kissing in public, playful touching)?
Do they abruptly change the subject when you are asking them those important get-to-know-you questions?
Is sex the only time they feel comfortable expressing intimacy?
Does their body language seem to be saying something?
Do they physically distance themselves when discussing their exes?
Do they shut down during disagreements?
But sometimes the past can portend the future if you do not pay attention to the warning signs.
Do they post pictures of you on social media?
Or do they get angry or annoyed when you post pictures with them on social media?
Do they ask you to take them down immediately when they notice them?
Sometimes people that are not over their exes do not want to be seen with you.
If this is the case, do not waste another second on them.
You deserve someone who is 100% sure that you are the best possible choice for them.
Never play second fiddle to a man still playing for the band.
They try and force old relationship rituals they shared with their exes onto you.
For example, they used to read the paper every Sunday in bed with their ex.
Now they want to share that same tradition with you.
Its like you have become their emotional replacement therapy.
They count on you to buffer the cravings they have to be with their last partner.
No one wants a recycled heart with recycled feelings.
Do they prioritize you or are you always in second place to every aspect of their lives?
They still keep in contact with their ex.
As a gay man, I met most of my friends through former relationships that did not work out.
We mutually agreed that there was no there, there, so we opted to remain strictly platonic.
Also you do not want to be a half-time lover.
You deserve a heart just for you and not one cluttered with the faces of old lovers.
