Asking for what you want is incredibly difficult, especially for women.
Tonight I have to have a difficult conversation with my boyfriend.
I am dreading it.
fabioluizph
1. wont assume anything.
Some are calm, some are angry, someinvolve tears.
The worse scenarios are what I am most focused on, the things that I fear the most.
That he will hate me or break up with me and be upset with me.
And they are all that I can think about.
Almost more even than the content of the talk.
I just dont know what will happen and it worries me.
But I know that I have to let go of those projected outcomes.
I will choose the right time and place.
I also always chose a time that was not stressful.
Tonight my boyfriend is coming over for dog therapy, pizza and football.
His top 3 things in this world.
He will be happy and then we will begin.
I will not attack.
My goal in this conversation is to have an effective, difficult talk.
One that lands on its mark, allows me to be assertive and has a satisfactory end result.
To do this, its important not to attack.
My boyfriend is struggling with a few issues in our relationship.
What I will not say is Why are you doing these stupid things over and over?
I can guarantee that the only thing that will do is shut him down.
And make him leave.
So talk about how you feel, not about the things he does.
It will be way more effective.
I will listen.
This is so important.
Many people find it difficult but it really works.
After they speak say I hear you saying that….and I get it.
Words that will allow them to feel heard, validated and empathized with.
I will feel confident.
I always tell my clients to consider what is the worst that can happen?
For me, I know that the worst that could happen would be the death of my child.
That I dont think I could survive.
But you know what?
Regardless, that wont happen tonight, because of this conversation.
You will be especially ok if you speak up for what you want and need.
It is an excellent skill to have to speak up for yourself and get what you want.
Asking for what you want can be difficult but doing so is necessary.
We will still love each other and that life will go on.
I can do this.
And you might too!
