When a man starts pulling away or withdrawing or acting cold toward you… its hard not to panic.
Its hard not to blame yourself:What did I do?
Is it something I said?
God & Man
Was I too needy?
Is he losing interest?
You reflexively start to panic and start questioning yourself and your value.Am I just not good enough for him?
You feel powerless and your self-esteem can really take a hit.
So lets talk about how to not let that happen!
Give Him Space
This first step sounds so simple but its so hard to actually follow through on.
The fact is, when aman pulls awayit usually has nothing to do with you.
The best thing you might do is gracefully step back and give him the space to realign himself.
There is also an underlying fear that hell forget about her as soon as shes not a strong presence.
Now lets look at that for a minute.
Look at the insecurities that fuel such an irrational fear.
Instead of worrying about why hes pulling away, ask yourself: Why does this bother me so much?
What is the real fear here?
Dont Stress Over It
I cant say this enough, the constant stressing ruins everything.
You really have to get your mind and fearful thoughts under control here.
Here is what I want you to do when those anxious thoughts start bubbling up.
First, notice the thought.
Just look at it.
Then ask yourself: does this thought serve me well?
No, its not serving you well.
So stop engaging with the thought.
I also love Mel Robbins technique for handling anxious thoughts.
When youre in the throes of a spiral, just count backward from 5 to 1.
Then reframe and shift the thought to a positive one like, What if everything works out just fine?
and envision things working out the way you want.
The purpose is to just get out of that.
frenzied, panicked place (because no good can ever come of it!
), and into a more calm, rational zone.
Its incredibly freeing to know that you will be OK no matter what.
Youre expending tons of energy, but youre still in the same spot!
All you’ve got the option to control is yourself and your reactions.
So stop trying to control the outcome, focus on controlling your reactions.
Ask yourself: how can I feed my happiness tank today?
Because thats what happiness is- it is a jar that constantly needs to be filled.
Its not just a static state of being.
So first give him some space.
Hope all is well.
or something similar and casual.
See what comes back your way.
Be a chooser, not a chaser.
A chaser chases after the relationship, fearing she wont find anything better.
A chooser knows she has the power of choice.
