Have you ever met someone and become utterlyobsessed with them almost instantaneously?
You barely even know them, but you feel this magnetic pull that youre powerless against.
Havent we always been told that when you meet the right one you know know?
Chad Madden
Lets look at why we become obsessed with certain people and how to break free from the obsessive cycle.
Why it happens
1.
You may not be able to access memories from the past readily, but your subconscious never forgets.
Unfortunately, thats rarely how these things pan out.
Instead, you end up repeating the same patterns and reaping the same results.
Also, some people are just validating!
We do this all the time, not just in relationships.
For example, its easier to ask yourself: How does he feel about me?
Does he like me?
Is this the one Ive been waiting for?
Rather than, Do I like me?
Do I like my life?
Am I even ready for a serious relationship?
Answering the latter batch of questions takes reflection and inner work and who wants to do that?
Its especially easy to do this if someone seems unsure about us, or if they reject us.
We assume its because they are a rare and valuable gem and it makes us want them even more.
When you obsess over someone, you are chasing a dream, not an actual person.
Now that we know what causes us to obsess, lets discuss some tools for overcoming it.
Get to the root of whats causing this… what are you still carrying around with you from childhood?
What do you think this other person can save you from?
Re-direct the focus to you.
Well, maybe theyre cool, confident, and charismatic.
OK, now ask how can YOU be those things.
But thats not how it works.
If there are certain qualities you admire, then work on cultivating them within yourself!
Also, when you catch yourself asking, Does he/she like me?
Redirect and ask: Do I like me?
Do I think Im likable?
If not, then thats where you gotta be putting your mental energy.
Come back down to earth.
Ground yourself and return to earth instead of getting swept away in this fantasy.
Fill the void within you
Obsession grows in vacant space.
Its really because youre attaching these things youre missing to someone else.
If you dont feel happy, spend some time thinking about when you were happy- what were you doing?
Who were you spending time with?
What was your routine like?
And give a shot to plug back into sources of genuine happiness for you.
If youre lacking self-esteem, then look into ways you’re free to increase your feelings of worth.
