Love them as they want to be loved.
So, how to tell someone you love them without words?
Love them as they want to be loved.
Roberto Nickson
I truly believe that one of the best tools in a successful relationship is Gary Chapmans5 Love Languages.
When a partner tries to love them using a different love language, they dont feel loved.
Stuff got done but neither of us felt loved.
Takethe quizwith your partner and start loving each other in a way that will work.
Take care of them but let them return the favor.
Think about how good it feels when you do something nice for someone.
How it connects you to that person and makes you feel good about yourself.
Imagine how good it would feel for your partner to do something for you.
Even if you could do it for yourself, let them do it.
Let them feel good about helping you.
It is an excellent way to show someone you love them to let them show you the same.
An important part of being loved is feeling connected.
I had a client who wanted his girlfriend to know that he loved her.
He thought that the best way to do that was by making sure they had good memories.
So he arranged trips and dinners and other expensive things hoping to create wonderful memories.
Being seen, heard, understood and acknowledged is an important part of feeling loved.
I have a client whose boyfriend LOVES working on cars.
So I suggested a compromise.
In exchange, he would be willing to spend some time with her doing things other than car work.
Sometimes our partner with come up with some pie-in-the-sky idea that is the new driving force in their lives.
Its exciting and new and all they want to talk about.
Many of us will probably think our partners new idea is crazy.
I actually laughed in his face.
This was 30 years ago and I still remember the hurt look in his eyes.
He never became a dancer.
To this day I wish I had supported him.
Thats what people who love each other do for each other.
Even better if he hadnt been on the receiving end of my derision.
You know how shitty that makes you feel?
And you dont even really like your mother-in-law.
Imagine what your partner, who loves you, must feel like when you are critical of them.
I have a client whose wife gives him the one over every time they are headed out the door.
So, be careful not to be critical.
If you have something to say, say it with love.
And if it doesnt need to be said, dont say it.
Life will go on if his hair isnt just right.
Dont take things personally.
There is nothing more insidious in a relationship than not forgiving someone for a wrong.
People are only human.
We do things that hurt people.
Rarely do we do things to hurt someone on purpose.
And that is unforgivable.
He was delayed at work and then got stuck in traffic, and it was a disaster.
She took it personally.If you loved me, she said,you would have gotten home on time.
And she truly believed what she said.
The reality is is that he DOES love her.
He just didnt allow himself enough time.
And he blew it, but he does love her.
And its important for her to understand that.
And it makes it easier to forgive.
He didnt plan well.
And he does love her.
Of course, another piece of forgiveness is that the wrong-doer must apologize for the hurt caused.
Because therein lies the issue that will carry forth forever the hurt.
Not so much the actions but the resulting feelings.
So, dont take things personally.
Apologize for the hurt.
Forgive and move on.
If there is one thing that kills love, its contempt.
Do anything that you might to keep it out of your relationship.
My ex-husband had a really hard time getting things done around the house.
I told him, over and over, that if he were my employee, I would fire him.
And I wouldnt say it in a loving way.
I would say it dismissively, almost with a wave of my hand.
I can only imagine how it must have felt to be on the receiving end of my contempt.
Therapists say that when they see contempt in a relationship, they know that its close to over.
Dont let contempt kill love.
All of those things are an excellent way to show you someone you love them.
Back up your kisses with words and actions and they will know that you are the one for them.
